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Today’s Leaderboard

The most-favorited tweets of the last 24 hours.

Leaderboard

Number of workout outfits I packed: 4.
Number of workouts I've done: 0.
Number of burritos I've consumed: Shut the fuck up.
by (Amy Jane Gruber), 2 hours, 5 minutes ago.
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Can someone explain to me why they cancelled "Firefly" but the Republican debates never end?
by (Jason Sweeney), 17 hours, 14 minutes ago.
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I shit you not there's a booth at Macworld that's selling an iPad mount for your iPhone. J/K I shit you. I'm so bored.
by (Adam Lisagor), 20 hours, 10 minutes ago.
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I'm going to get Portland to love oily fish if I have to invent espresso IPA sardines.
by (Neven Mrgan), 19 hours, 14 minutes ago.
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The difference between Firefly and the Republican debates? One presents a future where government crushes dissent. The other was cancelled.
by (Jason Sweeney), 17 hours, 7 minutes ago.
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How many episodes of Downton Abbey do you have to watch until your genitals smooth over into Barbie parts?
by (Alison Agosti), 1 day ago.
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God fanboys are even worse than Apple fanboys.
by (Daniel Jalkut), 18 hours, 27 minutes ago.
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I sleep in this Slave Leia costume because a) I feel pretty and b) if the cops wake me up during a drug bust it'll look hilarious.
by (Joshua Allen), 16 hours, 52 minutes ago.
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I offended a potential customer beyond repair by refusing to follow her back. Truth be told, that probably means it was handled perfectly.
by (Daniel Jalkut), 1 day ago.
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Half the chapters in "In the Plex": Google rushes into a questionable project, is shocked when the world fails to recognize its benevolence.
by (Buzz Andersen), 6 hours, 49 minutes ago.
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Before you yell "Fire!" in a crowd of people, check to make sure it's really a fire and not a grizzly bear.
by (Matthew Dolkart), 7 hours, 11 minutes ago.
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My kid's favorite humanitarian organization is Sandwiches Without Borders.
by (matt), 5 hours, 21 minutes ago.
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Oh, hey, Bay Area resident. Is there some kind of app I can download to make BART cleaner? ... Seriously? You live like this?
by (Moltz), 21 hours, 26 minutes ago.
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So, @jack and @davidkarp suddenly appeared from around the corner and started calling me Bobby again. What is happening.
by (Robert S Andersen), 22 hours, 44 minutes ago.
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Moist
by (Sean Hussey), 20 hours, 16 minutes ago.
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Mitt Romney's testicles are laminated.
by (rob delaney), 19 hours, 58 minutes ago.
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Newt Gingrich is farting at all times. Sometimes it's a throttled, spiced whisper he struggles to contain; others, a beefy gale.
by (rob delaney), 20 hours, 1 minute ago.
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Steal candy from a baby is almost as easy as stealing a baby from anyone named Candi.
by (Alison Agosti), 19 hours, 55 minutes ago.
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My ma says,"Aren't you embarrassing yourself with all that crap you put on your tweeter?", and I'm like DUH.
by (Wickedwordslinger), 19 hours, 43 minutes ago.
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"UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA!" Ah... That would be my "unit" in your "insert here." Because I'm getting tired of waiting.
by (Mark), 20 hours, 7 minutes ago.
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