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Today’s Leaderboard

The most-favorited tweets of the last 24 hours.

Leaderboard

Too drowsy to operate heavy machinery. Moving on to light firearms.
by (Tim Siedell), 22 hours, 11 minutes ago.
Favorited by and 26 others

According to this handwriting analyst, I am scared of analysis and like hearts a lot and have no idea how to spell peenus.
by (Joshua Allen), 9 hours, 29 minutes ago.
Favorited by and 23 others

一昨日くらいに収録帰り（？）の松岡修造さんに偶然遭遇して「今人気のツイッターをおやりにならないのですか？」と質問したら「だって、僕っぽいつぶやきをしてる方がいるんでしょ？本人なのに偽物に負けたら悔しいからやらないですよ！」みたいなこと言ってたw 負けず嫌いな松岡さん大好きw
by (CTK), 21 hours, 45 minutes ago.
Favorited by and 22 others

I wanted to share an 80's pop reference, but you're out of touch, I'm out of time.
by (Chris Duffy), 23 hours, 43 minutes ago.
Favorited by and 21 others

Everyone's so quick to judge me. I don't judge you and that shitty, hipster music you listen to.
by (iTunes 10 icon), 12 hours, 21 minutes ago.
Favorited by and 19 others

I love this time of year, when the temperature changes from believing in global warming to not believing in global warming.
by (Rex Huppke), 12 hours, 59 minutes ago.
Favorited by and 19 others

I could never be a spy in a third world country. I'd blow my cover as soon as the first fly tried to land on me.
by (Prime Directive), 1 day ago.
Favorited by and 18 others

Historians tend to gloss over the gruesome origin of Eskimo Pies.
by (donni), 13 hours, 15 minutes ago.
Favorited by and 17 others

If a lady in a pornographic film has a tramp stamp, amazingly enough, it's the tramp stamp that makes her seem slutty.
by (Adam Juskewitch), 22 hours, 28 minutes ago.
Favorited by and 16 others

The hardest thing about doing donuts in the parking lot is not getting icing on the crotch of your pants.
by (Michael Pierce), 11 hours, 13 minutes ago.
Favorited by and 15 others

I'd eat more chicken if it was branded as "Tuna of the Land."
by (luckyshirt), 22 hours, 25 minutes ago.
Favorited by and 15 others

僕の世代で中学からPCをいじってる人間は、2ちゃんやエロサイトで火傷しながら「ネットでは何をすると痛い目にあうか」を体感的に学んでいる　当時PCいじっていなかったリア充はそれを学ばなかったから、今twitterで火傷している　それだけの話
by (y.kanedo), 23 hours, 36 minutes ago.
Favorited by and 14 others

If you say you're going to hit the sack, don't be surprised when men recoil in horror.
by (Shauna. With a u.), 23 hours, 36 minutes ago.
Favorited by and 13 others

Sure, condemn the snake oil salesmen. You'll be sorry the day you're stuck with a squeaky snake.
by (Shari Vanderwerf), 11 hours, 36 minutes ago.
Favorited by and 13 others

Air Lingus, Ireland's national airline, slashed fares in half today to
save its falling market share. Very cunning, Lingus.
by (Phil), 10 hours, 46 minutes ago.
Favorited by and 13 others

Show me on the doll where Phil Collins invisibly touched you.
by (Jordan Peterson), 22 hours, 37 minutes ago.
Favorited by and 13 others

スナイパーライフルが届いたわけだが…おい！お前ら！でかくて重くて、肩に担がなきゃ撃てないぞ、こりゃあ！俺が正義だ！！ http://twitpic.com/2kp04c
by (新條まゆ), 1 day ago.
Favorited by and 11 others

Just once I'd like to see a stick figure woman decal on the back window of a car, next to 18 stick figure cats.
by (Jane), 21 hours, 32 minutes ago.
Favorited by and 11 others

I bet even giraffes think giraffes look weird.
by (donni), 20 hours, 50 minutes ago.
Favorited by and 10 others

You shouldn't end a sentence in a preposition unless it is a proposition, like "I am the one you want to have all the sex with?"
by (Laura), 8 hours, 49 minutes ago.
Favorited by and 10 others