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AmyRangel

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Every thing at my parents house is perfect. This toilet paper I'm wiping my ass with is perfect as well. I'm going to steal some. Perfect.
by (Cat), 44 minutes ago.
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I'm little disappointed that "Late Model Tour" has nothing to do with dead models.
by (Jeni Scagnetti), 45 minutes ago.
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You say "manic episode" like that's a problem.
by (Victoria Marinelli), 45 minutes ago.
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I can spit an olive in the air and still catch it in my mouth after 6 martinis...

almost half of the time! Sorry lady.
by (MJ), 47 minutes ago.
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Sometimes pulled pork is the best a man can do.
by (Adrian Woodworth), 47 minutes ago.
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I wish Amy Grant was an illegal immigrant. #80sTweet
by (CJ Werleman), 50 minutes ago.
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In preparation for shark week, I'm making my kids take their bath in red water while I play the Jaws theme song.

They'll thank me later.
by (ruthakers), 57 minutes ago.
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I wish the person who came up with the Twitterbelle name had gayed it up a little.
by (Polythene Spam), 58 minutes ago.
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The best thing about going on a first date to the petting zoo is that if she doesn't put out there are still plenty of options.
by (Nick), 1 hour, 2 minutes ago.
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I'm sitting at home in my p.j.s playing Scrabble on a Friday night. I'm one kerchief and a tube of BenGay away from the nursing home.
by (Nevin), 1 hour, 5 minutes ago.
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Ask me about my foreskin restoration,
by (m00n man), 1 hour, 6 minutes ago.
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All night I planned on vanilla ice cream then, at the last minute, I went for cookies 'n cream. I'm the M. Night Shyamalan of Friday nights.
by (Rex Huppke), 1 hour, 8 minutes ago.
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I was going to live tweet my nephew's birthday party, but ended up in the bounce house with the helium bottle. Anyways, totally high.
by (iamnotdiddy™), 1 hour, 10 minutes ago.
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There are a couple of bats circling the security light and driving me, you know, batty.
by (Kim ), 1 hour, 12 minutes ago.
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My son is so whiny whenever he breaks a bone.
I'm the one who has to get dressed and drive to the hospital.

You don't hear me complaining
by (rodney), 1 hour, 17 minutes ago.
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The Coors Light™ beer can now turns blue to let me know when it is the perfect time to pass it by and purchase something else.
by (David Leibowitz), 1 hour, 18 minutes ago.
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Nothing happens for a reason.
by (m00n man), 1 hour, 19 minutes ago.
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Being called a cougar is the first sign that I can safely ask my doctor for whatever pills will keep me comfortable and rested.
by (Snatch), 1 hour, 19 minutes ago.
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ALL RIGHT... Who left the bag of idiots open???
by (Jennifer Marglin), 1 hour, 21 minutes ago.
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See you Monday, tweeps! Don't do anything Jesus wouldn't drunk dare me to do for a Klondike Bar.
by (Shari Vanderwerf), 1 hour, 21 minutes ago.
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