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Beef_Tongue

Tweets favorited by Beef_Tongue’s friends.

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Every thing at my parents house is perfect. This toilet paper I'm wiping my ass with is perfect as well. I'm going to steal some. Perfect.
by (Cat), 1 hour, 17 minutes ago.
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I'm little disappointed that "Late Model Tour" has nothing to do with dead models.
by (Jeni Scagnetti), 1 hour, 17 minutes ago.
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You say "manic episode" like that's a problem.
by (Victoria Marinelli), 1 hour, 17 minutes ago.
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I can spit an olive in the air and still catch it in my mouth after 6 martinis...

almost half of the time! Sorry lady.
by (MJ), 1 hour, 19 minutes ago.
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Sometimes pulled pork is the best a man can do.
by (Adrian Woodworth), 1 hour, 19 minutes ago.
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I wish Amy Grant was an illegal immigrant. #80sTweet
by (CJ Werleman), 1 hour, 22 minutes ago.
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In preparation for shark week, I'm making my kids take their bath in red water while I play the Jaws theme song.

They'll thank me later.
by (ruthakers), 1 hour, 29 minutes ago.
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I wish the person who came up with the Twitterbelle name had gayed it up a little.
by (Polythene Spam), 1 hour, 30 minutes ago.
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The best thing about going on a first date to the petting zoo is that if she doesn't put out there are still plenty of options.
by (Nick), 1 hour, 34 minutes ago.
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I'm sitting at home in my p.j.s playing Scrabble on a Friday night. I'm one kerchief and a tube of BenGay away from the nursing home.
by (Nevin), 1 hour, 37 minutes ago.
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Ask me about my foreskin restoration,
by (m00n man), 1 hour, 38 minutes ago.
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All night I planned on vanilla ice cream then, at the last minute, I went for cookies 'n cream. I'm the M. Night Shyamalan of Friday nights.
by (Rex Huppke), 1 hour, 40 minutes ago.
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I was going to live tweet my nephew's birthday party, but ended up in the bounce house with the helium bottle. Anyways, totally high.
by (iamnotdiddy™), 1 hour, 43 minutes ago.
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There are a couple of bats circling the security light and driving me, you know, batty.
by (Kim ), 1 hour, 44 minutes ago.
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My son is so whiny whenever he breaks a bone.
I'm the one who has to get dressed and drive to the hospital.

You don't hear me complaining
by (rodney), 1 hour, 49 minutes ago.
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The Coors Light™ beer can now turns blue to let me know when it is the perfect time to pass it by and purchase something else.
by (David Leibowitz), 1 hour, 50 minutes ago.
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Nothing happens for a reason.
by (m00n man), 1 hour, 51 minutes ago.
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Being called a cougar is the first sign that I can safely ask my doctor for whatever pills will keep me comfortable and rested.
by (Snatch), 1 hour, 51 minutes ago.
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I'm preeeeeeety sure you're drunk, me.
by (Sarah), 1 hour, 52 minutes ago.
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ALL RIGHT... Who left the bag of idiots open???
by (Jennifer Marglin), 1 hour, 53 minutes ago.
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