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DanKraft

Tweets favorited by DanKraft’s friends.

Leaderboard Friends’ Faves Ego Boost

if i wrote greeting cards:

(front)
happy anniversary to the man i settled with.
(inside)
i mean for.
by (fartgirl), 2 hours, 7 minutes ago.
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That space of time between looking forward to seeing the kids and looking forward to their bedtime is called, “I’m home!”
by (Chris Pinckney), 2 hours, 35 minutes ago.
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@texburgher I call it Favstar.
by (Brian Bolter), 2 hours, 38 minutes ago.
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If there's one thing I'm able to do with absolute consistency it's write down a grocery list and forget to take it with me.
by (El Pee), 2 hours, 59 minutes ago.
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Love is spending 95 minutes on hair and makeup and putting on a pretty dress, then ruining it all in a fuckfest on the floor in 10 minutes.
by (Snatch), 3 hours, 42 minutes ago.
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When a product claims to take your experience "to the next level," I just assume they're talking about hell.
by (SeoulBrother), 3 hours, 55 minutes ago.
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But seriously, I tuck my pinky under the iPhone when I hold it and the dock hole is sharp.

Class-action lawsuit? http://yfrog.com/2dw4hoj
by (jimk), 4 hours, 9 minutes ago.
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The Chicago Manual of Style is clearly American, but it has an English accent in my head.
by (Chris Clark), 4 hours, 12 minutes ago.
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@gruber no way dude - he's gonna get DENIED all weekend
by (Mike Dixon), 4 hours, 14 minutes ago.
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Sorry. I realize that was pretty thin camouflage for a second bumper joke, but my lawyers assured me it was a perfectly reasonable response.
by (Geoff Barnes), 4 hours, 28 minutes ago.
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Yes ma'am. I'll hang my head in shame after I've hung my testicles in this iced coffee.

My dignity takes a back seat when battling the heat
by (Jonathan), 4 hours, 35 minutes ago.
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I win. Looked in my sister-in-law's liquor cabinet and found a '95 El Tesoro Anejo mostly full.
by (Bill Bumgarner), 4 hours, 44 minutes ago.
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"pencils ... giant pencils ... "
by (Scott Simpson), 4 hours, 47 minutes ago.
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Hmm, repeatedly clicking on various email messages in my inbox is not making them disappear. Well, might as well go home—I tried!
by (Scott Simpson), 4 hours, 49 minutes ago.
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There are grievous branding errors, and then there is Dressbarn.
by (Linda ), 4 hours, 52 minutes ago.
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Oh no I can't believe I missed your call when I declined it because I was playing Bejeweled.
by (Robin McCauley), 4 hours, 53 minutes ago.
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I LIKE GOING TO THE DRIVE-THRU AT THE BANK SO I CAN WATCH THE LADY'S FACE WHEN SHE OPENS THE PLASTIC TUBE THAT I FARTED IN.
by (Mikey ADHD), 4 hours, 58 minutes ago.
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Just watched Toby pug open his crate...from the inside. That dude has always been too smart for his own good.
by (Carrie), 5 hours, 14 minutes ago.
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Apparently this is not a karaoke bar, but a daycare. I've been asked to stop singing and told that I have a right to remain silent.
by (Doctor Zaius), 5 hours, 31 minutes ago.
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I can't remember why I love you but I promise I will once you're naked.
by (Stretch Bootcut), 5 hours, 37 minutes ago.
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