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Goose

Tweets favorited by Goose’s friends.

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Who made shit all blurry!? Also, who is this girl, why's she yelling and where the fuck are my pants? You gonna eat that?
by (MJ), 1 hour, 9 minutes ago.
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If I were redesigning the bazooka I would make it look like a cat. People would be all, "That's a big, fucking cat," and then POW!
by (Trelvix), 1 hour, 16 minutes ago.
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@AdamTouchet I'm back home because I'm old and married and completely irrelevant
by (Cody Daigle), 1 hour, 27 minutes ago.
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Never doing cougar porn movies again. Too many claw marks.
by (Mike), 1 hour, 30 minutes ago.
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Sitting here alone on a Friday night with an empty bottle of wine and empty bag of Oreos. And why? Because I accomplish my goals. Losers.
by (Guess), 1 hour, 32 minutes ago.
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The cat wears my bras better than I do. FML.
by (Kirsten's Desk), 1 hour, 36 minutes ago.
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This episode of "Golden Girls" actually says Betty White is 55. Man, that hairstyle really fooled me. I thought no younger than 1,000.
by (Camille), 1 hour, 38 minutes ago.
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If you have to urinate in public, just remember: eye contact.
by (Dexter Tunseeprasert), 1 hour, 38 minutes ago.
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I can't comprehend simple mathematical concepts, but at least I can reenact the entire 'Sesame Street's Get Up and Dance' video from memory.
by (Kelly Kilimnik), 1 hour, 39 minutes ago.
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The most interesting thing about the Guggenheim is that it was built in only ONE WEEK by pigeons crapping on an old bed spring.
by (Nick Alias Plemur), 1 hour, 42 minutes ago.
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Saved By The Bell was The Monkees 90210.
by (David S.), 1 hour, 45 minutes ago.
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Maybe a rave tent filled with shaving cream wasn't the best idea for the Epileptics' fundraiser after all.
by (Shari Vanderwerf), 1 hour, 45 minutes ago.
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White people will never not sing the bum bum bum's in 'Sweet Caroline'.
by (ruthakers), 1 hour, 46 minutes ago.
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You need an ID for allergy medication because people use it to make meth & yet the pharmacy never has instructions on how to make it.
by (Katie L), 1 hour, 46 minutes ago.
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My senses are so good I don't need a divining rod to find beer at the Minnesota State Fair.
by (Joel Ingersoll), 1 hour, 49 minutes ago.
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If a chick walks into the bar dancing I give her 3 minutes before she's puking on the dance floor.
by (Meg Abbitch), 1 hour, 50 minutes ago.
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I love Twitter users who jerk each other off all day & never try following anyone new. I don't follow everyone back but I check stuff out.
by (fuckedy), 1 hour, 51 minutes ago.
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Quick! I need to lose 250 pounds by tomorrow! Suggestions?
by (Catherine ), 1 hour, 52 minutes ago.
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As you get older, do you ever stop and wonder if you're, simply, socially fucked for the rest of your life?
by (Guess), 1 hour, 55 minutes ago.
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I want to direct a video clip and have a girl walking along a beach with the tide lapping at her feet because that's never been done before
by (designertalks), 1 hour, 55 minutes ago.
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