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GorillaSushi

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If a Glenn Beck theory proves true, somewhere... a unicorn dies.
by (John ), 9 minutes ago.
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TOYOTA: At least they don't explode™
by (He-Man), 10 minutes ago.
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"Who's a good boy wants his belly rubbed?!" is doing great things for the morale at work.
by (He-Man), 11 minutes ago.
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Rule: if you drink all the joe you better make mo'
by (Meg Abbitch), 12 minutes ago.
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Do you ever get lots of Twitter stars but still feel like you need to go jerk off?
by (Alex), 15 minutes ago.
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Just found out 2 little pricks have been sexually harrassing 15. About to go on the warpath. May not have a job tomorrow....
by (Not a p0rn bot), 15 minutes ago.
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Apparently my super power is being hungover and still managing to be ridiculously productive & efficient at work. loljk. I'm not doin' shit!
by (CousinBrandon), 19 minutes ago.
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After much deliberation, I'm fairly certain the only reason Captain Hook never had any kids is because he scratched his balls a lot.
by (Drew Monge), 20 minutes ago.
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He watched her working in the garden, her love of dirt, the maternal labor of the soil. It moved him. But he was still leaving after dinner.
by (Arjun Basu), 22 minutes ago.
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How big a cliché is it to name your SSD boot drive “Executor”?
by (John Gruber), 25 minutes ago.
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Don't you just love it when 3 or 4 people get the new software, but the rest of the office still has the old versions? It's so much FUN!
by (Jean Marie), 25 minutes ago.
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Make a difference in someone's life today....it will change your's too. <3
by (Tennie Anywon), 31 minutes ago.
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I keep mixing up effluent and affluent.

And that is why I have shitty friends!
by (silly billy), 36 minutes ago.
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You're the person your mother warned you about.
by (DadsUpLate), 37 minutes ago.
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I just ordered a set of personalized license plates. They'll read 324-TXZ. I'm kind of humble that way.
by (David Leibowitz), 39 minutes ago.
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Four pronounces the word "pesto" by saying "pasto". I like her way better.
by (Sarah), 40 minutes ago.
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Your lips are moving / I am not listening ma'am / Just chicken noises <---- (Work #haiku inspired by @angryoldcoot )
by (tenacious d.), 41 minutes ago.
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The upside to losing 15 pounds is that I can fit into old pants I've been saving in my closet.

The downside is I'm still wearing pants.
by (Wade), 48 minutes ago.
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Found a DVD without an envelope in my Pop-Tarts box. I hope you liked Strawberry Frosted, Netflix.
by (Mike), 50 minutes ago.
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Coffee, meet cashmere sweater.
Cashmere sweater...say hello to coffee.

Aaaaand again.
by (Jane), 52 minutes ago.
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