C'mere mamacita, put down that Fixodent and let the doctor teach you the Gimpy Pelican.
by samhey (Sam Hey),
1 hour, 21 minutes ago.
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I just saw a six year old Puerto Rican boy who had almost a full mustache.
by bottlekids (Jodi Faye Bullock),
1 hour, 31 minutes ago.
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This Monday at 11am, my spaceballs are scheduled to be detached from the mothership.
by lukeinvan (Luke in Vancouver),
1 hour, 43 minutes ago.
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I could have set a bomb off in that WalMart bathroom, but I didn't want to improve the condition & leave the staff nothing to do.
by PolarBear_ (Papa CokeBear),
1 hour, 47 minutes ago.
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If a tree falls at the Garden Center and nobody's around to hear, it's best to just walk to the exit and leave immediately.
by Bauart (David R Jennings),
1 hour, 51 minutes ago.
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With the unfortunate side effects of many of the healthier foods, nutrition should really be called tootrition.
by adtothebone (Clayton Hove),
1 hour, 53 minutes ago.
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I skipped a baby shower today but still have a migraine & abdominal discomfort. Are there other sources of migraine & abdominal discomfort?
by trixieboots (Trixie Longboots),
1 hour, 54 minutes ago.
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Gotta love a novel that starts with the sentence: "America, said Horace, the office temp, was a run-down and demented pimp." (-Lipsyte)
by bogus_user----41673267,
1 hour, 55 minutes ago.
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Sorry, @theresa_lauren. I can't help but feel partially responsible for that. (My spirit animal IS rabies.)
by Remiel (Remiel),
1 hour, 57 minutes ago.
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Someday I need to learn how to shave my legs so that they don't appear to have gotten caught in a lawn mower.
by KatyDidSays (Katie ),
1 hour, 57 minutes ago.
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This buffet offers a smorgasbord of painful diarrheas.
by ange_black (angela black),
2 hours, 2 minutes ago.
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“Cardiac paddles…? You didn't bring a lovometer?
Wait a minute. Are you from the heart lab or the <3 lab?”
.
by idvssuperego (state your name),
2 hours, 6 minutes ago.
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http://twitpic.com/17ubbv - Look what came in the mail today!
by califmom (califmom),
2 hours, 7 minutes ago.
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How swee-aaAAAHHGHGH www.metro.co.uk/weird/816601-man-marries-pillow
by OfficialKat (Kat Dennings),
2 hours, 9 minutes ago.
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I have a perpetual headache that can only be cured by perpetual sex.
by Thaozilla (Thaozilla),
2 hours, 13 minutes ago.
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I should never have let them talk me into that second drink and why is there all this gum under the table?
by Nicky36 (Nicky 36),
2 hours, 13 minutes ago.
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I love thunderstorms, but Mr. T-Storm? Could u wait til my kids are asleep before you unleash your fury? They're sorta freakin out. KTHXBAI
by Mia_Ria (Meleah),
2 hours, 16 minutes ago.
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Do you ever feel like you're being watched? I do all the time. I think it's why I never boil.
by angryoldcoot (Angry Old Coot),
2 hours, 19 minutes ago.
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@theresa_lauren Was it that song about the guy and the girl?
by Turkman123 (Young Turk),
2 hours, 21 minutes ago.
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My best jokes, I forget right as I'm about to type.
by GPappalardo (Soap Box Liberal),
2 hours, 22 minutes ago.
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