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IsJonas

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You say "manic episode" like that's a problem.
by (Victoria Marinelli), 55 minutes ago.
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I can spit an olive in the air and still catch it in my mouth after 6 martinis...

almost half of the time! Sorry lady.
by (MJ), 57 minutes ago.
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Sometimes pulled pork is the best a man can do.
by (Adrian Woodworth), 57 minutes ago.
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Without Jethro Tull, many people would be without an opportunity to play the air flute.
by (Josh Hara), 1 hour, 49 minutes ago.
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Dear Geek God, please let the Apple Magic Trackpad be their Microsoft BOB. Let it flop & let nobody else ask me to set one up on Windows.
by (william mcbee), 1 hour, 56 minutes ago.
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So a boring white guy walks into a bar and asexually reproduces multiple times. Or so the scene here would appear...
by (MJ), 1 hour, 59 minutes ago.
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if i wrote greeting cards:

(front)
happy anniversary to the man i settled with.
(inside)
i mean for.
by (fartgirl), 2 hours, 3 minutes ago.
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What the fuck is wrong with everybody today? I mean, I KNOW what my problem is.
by (Dolanite), 2 hours, 5 minutes ago.
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Can we please get the old Dennis Miller back?
by (The Night Stalker), 2 hours, 13 minutes ago.
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When someone uses 'diarrhea of the mouth', I don't think they really remember the last time they had diarrhea.
by (Matthew), 2 hours, 21 minutes ago.
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Just did my first FaceTime call. Notes:
-No black guy on the other end like the ads claim.
-Decent level of nudity.
-Your mom says hello.
by (Jeff Kelley), 2 hours, 22 minutes ago.
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That space of time between looking forward to seeing the kids and looking forward to their bedtime is called, “I’m home!”
by (Chris Pinckney), 2 hours, 32 minutes ago.
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@texburgher I call it Favstar.
by (Brian Bolter), 2 hours, 34 minutes ago.
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If only there were a list of suggestions for people I should follow on Twitter, comprised exclusively of people I've avoided.
by (Geoff Barnes), 2 hours, 39 minutes ago.
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If there's one thing I'm able to do with absolute consistency it's write down a grocery list and forget to take it with me.
by (El Pee), 2 hours, 55 minutes ago.
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Blackberry's from Canada, and AfricanCanadianPad just doesn't sound right. That's why.
by (Tim Bray), 3 hours, 27 minutes ago.
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Love is spending 95 minutes on hair and makeup and putting on a pretty dress, then ruining it all in a fuckfest on the floor in 10 minutes.
by (Snatch), 3 hours, 38 minutes ago.
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When a product claims to take your experience "to the next level," I just assume they're talking about hell.
by (SeoulBrother), 3 hours, 51 minutes ago.
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FUCK CHOCOLATE COOKIES -FUCK THEM IN THEIR RICH CHOCOLATE ASSHOLES
by (Josh Hara), 3 hours, 55 minutes ago.
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I wish the little kids who made this t-shirt could see how awesome my boobs look.
by (best girl betty), 3 hours, 57 minutes ago.
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