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Moltz

Tweets favorited by Moltz’s friends.

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I hate it when my mom makes a "Your Mom" joke.
by (Scott Simpson), 1 hour, 41 minutes ago.
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If I were redesigning the bazooka I would make it look like a cat. People would be all, "That's a big, fucking cat," and then POW!
by (Trelvix), 1 hour, 46 minutes ago.
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Oregon is the Amazon Prime of states. When a thing says it costs $29.99, check this out - you pay $29.99!
by (Neven Mrgan), 2 hours, 11 minutes ago.
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I need to write a book just so I can use, "The only thing tight about her were the stalactites growing in her cervix."
by (Aimee B), 2 hours, 38 minutes ago.
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Who's Earl?
by ( Jen), 3 hours, 12 minutes ago.
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After the apocalypse, when we have to survive on cans of cat food, I'll be totally fine. Really. I might add a dash of salt. Mmmm.
by (Neven Mrgan), 3 hours, 14 minutes ago.
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Twitter's only showing my @-replies from 2007. I hope this is the 1st scene of a time travel movie where I teach everyone about hashtags.
by (m), 3 hours, 48 minutes ago.
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How many roofies do I slip in a pizza, you know ... if the pizza's playing hard to get?
by (Josh Donoghue), 3 hours, 48 minutes ago.
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My parents are "dancing". It looks like they're being attacked by bees.
by (Aimee B), 3 hours, 55 minutes ago.
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BP must be in the diaper business, too. These blowout preventers never work.
by (Brian Bolter), 4 hours, 2 minutes ago.
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I explained I was wearing flip flops because of my infected open heel wound, not poor fashion, but people still wouldn't high five me. :(
by (Jason), 4 hours, 14 minutes ago.
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 No results found for "Shirley Temple Black Russian"

Until now.
by (matt), 4 hours, 16 minutes ago.
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You still pay for a cell phone? In Bed-Stuy we use courier pigeons instead. If you see me clapping on a rooftop, I'm checking my voicemail.
by (Simon Goetz), 4 hours, 23 minutes ago.
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Just got hit on by a Blackberry user. Gross.
by (Chris Clark), 4 hours, 31 minutes ago.
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In the middle of a discussion about Facebook and gender, she suddenly says "Oh! Butter!" and runs out of the room.
by (Simon Crowley), 4 hours, 41 minutes ago.
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I see you're looking at the Aston Martin. You have fine taste. Perhaps I can interest you in a reheated Big Mac. -Facebook as a Car Salesman
by (luckyshirt), 4 hours, 41 minutes ago.
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♪ Bourbon in my slushie ♪
by (Jason Sweeney), 4 hours, 44 minutes ago.
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@jsnell Would love to, email me for details: darin at portenzo.com
by (Portenzo), 4 hours, 47 minutes ago.
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Me: "Oh god. I wonder what else can go wrong."
Husband: "Hurricane tomorrow."
Me: "Touché."
by (Beth), 4 hours, 50 minutes ago.
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If they made an 80-ton bag of popcorn, I'd still be surprised when I scraped the bottom halfway through the movie.
by (Katie Rose), 5 hours, 2 minutes ago.
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