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MsNovember

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The sign said BELIEVABURGER but my eyes saw VAGINABURGER and it will probably be a long time before I eat a burger again.
by (MC Thumbtack), 1 hour, 1 minute ago.
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@tj I just take mine with water.
by (PROCKY), 1 hour, 10 minutes ago.
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A former child star so much as breathes heavily and Danny Bonaduce is asked for comment.
by (kris), 1 hour, 10 minutes ago.
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My recipe for a good night's sleep will be called "An Ambien & an Orgasm." Label will read "Works best when someone else gives them to you."
by (Ticklish Junk), 1 hour, 13 minutes ago.
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@abigvictory So that's why people say they never got the christening pictures of little Cialis!
by (I'm so street), 1 hour, 16 minutes ago.
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If you name your daughter Brandii, you're dooming her to a lifetime of people sending her emails straight to spam.
by (MC Thumbtack), 1 hour, 27 minutes ago.
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My Shhhhhhhhhhhhhharona #librarysongs
by (Clayton Hove), 1 hour, 34 minutes ago.
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My sinus infection has guaranteed me a spot in the lesser known "running of the nose" race.
by (LC Paperclip), 1 hour, 54 minutes ago.
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I am 99% sure that if a man and a woman who are both in wheelchairs make a baby, the baby isn't born in a wheelchair too.
by (Mark Leggett), 3 hours, 15 minutes ago.
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No don' wanna get up, wanna sleep. Oh, plane? For SXSW. Okay. Will get up.
by (Abby Spice), 3 hours, 33 minutes ago.
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I feel like I didn't tweet every funny thing that happened today. That's nice.
by (Indefensible), 3 hours, 45 minutes ago.
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No matter how much you like her headphones, "nice cans" probably isn't printed anywhere on the ticket to where you want to go.
by (Jay Hathaway), 4 hours, 57 minutes ago.
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Everything in the SXSW schedule is named like a Dr. Strangelove sequel.
by (Ben Tesch), 5 hours, 44 minutes ago.
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One is the loneliest number. Seven is kinda racist. Nine needs to just come out already. Four drinks to forget. Three is angry, so so angry.
by (Ryan), 5 hours, 47 minutes ago.
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I wanted twitter to hear it first: I have a boyfriend now. His name is Radio Lab.
by (Jessie Char), 6 hours, 9 minutes ago.
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Just set my alarm for 6AM. This is going to be hilarious if it actually works.
by (SeoulBrother), 7 hours ago.
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But now the question is, who is worse: the guy who masturbates on the Internet wearing nothing but a turtleneck or me for watching it?
by (Malus Manus ), 7 hours, 2 minutes ago.
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@scottsimpson It's a rip-off if they don't let you safely fall through the ceiling at some point though.
by (hubs), 7 hours, 20 minutes ago.
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Any office building could open a side business as an action movie theme park just by charging to let you crawl through the ductwork.
by (Scott Simpson), 7 hours, 26 minutes ago.
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Sometimes I use a flip phone just to feel something. Anything.
by (matt), 7 hours, 43 minutes ago.
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