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OneSmallFire

Tweets favorited by OneSmallFire’s friends.

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Here now, in retrospect, I realize that the spicy green curry shrimp dish was a mistake.

And by "in retrospect" I mean "in the bathroom".
by (Miss Dark), 59 minutes ago.
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C'mere mamacita, put down that Fixodent and let the doctor teach you the Gimpy Pelican.
by (Sam Hey), 1 hour, 5 minutes ago.
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I just saw a six year old Puerto Rican boy who had almost a full mustache.
by (Jodi Faye Bullock), 1 hour, 15 minutes ago.
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This Monday at 11am, my spaceballs are scheduled to be detached from the mothership.
by (Luke in Vancouver), 1 hour, 27 minutes ago.
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I could have set a bomb off in that WalMart bathroom, but I didn't want to improve the condition & leave the staff nothing to do.
by (Papa CokeBear), 1 hour, 31 minutes ago.
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If a tree falls at the Garden Center and nobody's around to hear, it's best to just walk to the exit and leave immediately.
by (David R Jennings), 1 hour, 35 minutes ago.
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With the unfortunate side effects of many of the healthier foods, nutrition should really be called tootrition.
by (Clayton Hove), 1 hour, 37 minutes ago.
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I skipped a baby shower today but still have a migraine & abdominal discomfort. Are there other sources of migraine & abdominal discomfort?
by (Trixie Longboots), 1 hour, 38 minutes ago.
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Gotta love a novel that starts with the sentence: "America, said Horace, the office temp, was a run-down and demented pimp." (-Lipsyte)
by , 1 hour, 39 minutes ago.
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Sorry, @theresa_lauren. I can't help but feel partially responsible for that. (My spirit animal IS rabies.)
by (Remiel), 1 hour, 41 minutes ago.
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Someday I need to learn how to shave my legs so that they don't appear to have gotten caught in a lawn mower.
by (Katie ), 1 hour, 41 minutes ago.
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There are no roundhouse kick related deaths on Chuck Norris' birthday.
by (Essentially Me), 1 hour, 42 minutes ago.
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This buffet offers a smorgasbord of painful diarrheas.
by (angela black), 1 hour, 46 minutes ago.
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Ha! Who am I kidding about perpetual sex? I'd rather have perpetual ham sandwiches.
by (Thaozilla), 1 hour, 46 minutes ago.
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“Cardiac paddles…? You didn't bring a lovometer?
Wait a minute. Are you from the heart lab or the <3 lab?”

.
by (state your name), 1 hour, 50 minutes ago.
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http://twitpic.com/17ubbv - Look what came in the mail today!
by (califmom), 1 hour, 51 minutes ago.
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I should never have let them talk me into that second drink and why is there all this gum under the table?
by (Nicky 36), 1 hour, 57 minutes ago.
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@lefauxfrog Typo? Dang it. I guess that's what happens when you entrust your coding needs to a dyslexic sparrow.
by (codeSparrow), 1 hour, 57 minutes ago.
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Caught a bit of idol just now, and this might be the meth-- but did I just see a guy sing for 3 minutes about having his bottled rubbed?
by (Punkrockie Brewster), 2 hours, 2 minutes ago.
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Do you ever feel like you're being watched? I do all the time. I think it's why I never boil.
by (Angry Old Coot), 2 hours, 3 minutes ago.
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