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Sassynic

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While you guys are partying it up and having the casual sex, I'll be laying on my couch in sweatpants watching Forrest Gump.
by (Stephanie), 1 hour, 37 minutes ago.
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If I was Axl Rose and someone brushed by me in a bar I'd say, "Hey, did you feel my...my...my serpentine? Haha, just kidding. Hi, I'm Axl."
by (Matt Braunger), 1 hour, 57 minutes ago.
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I only wear a necktie a few times a year. Mostly weddings, funerals and whenever I'm dressed as The Hamburglar.
by (R.J.), 2 hours, 1 minute ago.
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@Hormonella So sorry. It was my pale naked body reflecting in the sun that knocked your phone out. So sorry once again.
by (Jonas Strandell), 2 hours, 23 minutes ago.
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I imagine that shopgirls at some luxe boutiques hand out Monistat to every fat girl buying skinny jeans. Then enjoy a hearty anorexic laugh.
by (Snatch), 2 hours, 59 minutes ago.
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I love 2 for 1 happy hour specials. I think that's why I have a 2 in 1 body.
by (Gem), 3 hours, 44 minutes ago.
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If your balls itch, the first thing you need to ask yourself is, "Do I have balls?"
by (notorious d.e.b.), 3 hours, 50 minutes ago.
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Thank you all for the Follow Friday's today.

I'm going to get something for all of you.


Drunk.
by (ruthakers), 3 hours, 54 minutes ago.
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The ice in my gin just farted.
by (AnnaCKH), 4 hours, 1 minute ago.
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My hand just blew me off.
by (David ), 4 hours, 6 minutes ago.
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In this house we enjoy our bathroom experiences so much that our toilet paper is thicker than our bed linens.
by (Tuesday), 4 hours, 17 minutes ago.
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Ever leave your phone at your desk and end up reading your wallet in the restroom? Ever tweet about it? Ever hope my boss doesn't see this?
by (Adam Isacson), 7 hours, 2 minutes ago.
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eye fucking the shit out of every single attractive male that comes into view is just part of who i am
by (anonymous), 7 hours, 7 minutes ago.
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Hello world!!! What it look like?! .... *drops microphone* *feedback* *walks off stage*
by (OED ), 7 hours, 7 minutes ago.
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My dad is a real mother fucker.
by (Sherm Helms), 7 hours, 9 minutes ago.
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Never go booze shopping on an empty liver.
by (Dantronic), 7 hours, 10 minutes ago.
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Something is wrong with my life when Avril Lavigne is an acceptable soundtrack to my emotions.
by (Just Cara), 7 hours, 17 minutes ago.
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...aaaaaand I just guaranteed I'll never be on the "who to follow" list too.
by (Rick), 7 hours, 25 minutes ago.
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Every time I try to stand up from my computer, one of you gives me a boner. You know who you are.
by (J-SIN), 7 hours, 26 minutes ago.
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It's Friday, time to follow people around. Before that, I need to go find some Redbull for my Vodka energizer drink & get a good warm up.
by (Mariana Rivera), 7 hours, 28 minutes ago.
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