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Sontra

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C'mere mamacita, put down that Fixodent and let the doctor teach you the Gimpy Pelican.
by (Sam Hey), 1 hour, 17 minutes ago.
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If I'm reading news correctly, there's a chance we'll get national health care AND Rush Limbaugh will leave the country? What's the catch!
by (Dan Kennedy ), 1 hour, 44 minutes ago.
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I would like to thank my team, they cooked their hearts out and the review shows it. I couldn't have done it alone. There is no I in team.
by (Chris Cosentino), 1 hour, 46 minutes ago.
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If a tree falls at the Garden Center and nobody's around to hear, it's best to just walk to the exit and leave immediately.
by (David R Jennings), 1 hour, 47 minutes ago.
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If you haven't seen it yet, Gowalla 2.0 hit the AppStore. Another joint effort of the mind-dazzling @keeg, and silly old me.
by (Tim Van Damme), 1 hour, 53 minutes ago.
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Ha! Who am I kidding about perpetual sex? I'd rather have perpetual ham sandwiches.
by (Thaozilla), 1 hour, 58 minutes ago.
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“Cardiac paddles…? You didn't bring a lovometer?
Wait a minute. Are you from the heart lab or the <3 lab?”

.
by (state your name), 2 hours, 2 minutes ago.
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If you're very quiet, you can hear the sad trombone after the phrase "Also showing in 2D".
by (Jason Sweeney), 2 hours, 21 minutes ago.
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@gruber Best way around to dispose of a human body!
…
Uh, so I've heard.
by (Mark Dagon Hughes), 2 hours, 26 minutes ago.
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I'm feeling politely confrontational. Would anyone care for a piece of me?
by (A. Koford), 2 hours, 39 minutes ago.
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Snow's starting to melt. Soon I'll have to rake the leaves from last fall and do something with the dead panda. I told the kids he ran away.
by (Joshua Allen), 2 hours, 39 minutes ago.
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It's ok to swallow. It's skim semen.
by (Detweiler, Brian), 3 hours, 5 minutes ago.
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I got an internal server error when I tried to post a tweet about masturbating. I'M PRETTY SURE I KNOW HOW TO DO THAT RIGHT, TWITTER.
by (angela black), 3 hours, 16 minutes ago.
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the internal "what camera(s) should i bring" debate begins.
by (heather champ), 3 hours, 18 minutes ago.
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I'm guessing all these Runaway Toyotas probably just needed time and space to escape the pressures of their upcoming weddings.
by (Jason Permenter), 3 hours, 23 minutes ago.
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I'm convinced that Radio Shack must be a front for a nefarious drug smuggling or money laundering operation. No way that's a real business.
by (Jon Deal), 3 hours, 25 minutes ago.
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I believe what we have here is a failure to shutthefuckuperate.
by (tenacious d.), 3 hours, 30 minutes ago.
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Going to spend some quality time with my wife. Be back in 2 minutes.
by (Mike Something), 3 hours, 32 minutes ago.
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Thanks to that bitch Gloria Estefan I’m still terrified of the “rhythm”…
by (Beersuds), 3 hours, 36 minutes ago.
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My tweet stream is like my pee stream. It's dark & cloudy 1st thing in the morning & then gets clearer & more frequent as the day wears on.
by (Mike Something), 3 hours, 36 minutes ago.
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