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Xtremedialup

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if i wrote greeting cards:

(front)
happy anniversary to the man i settled with.
(inside)
i mean for.
by (fartgirl), 2 hours, 41 minutes ago.
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That space of time between looking forward to seeing the kids and looking forward to their bedtime is called, “I’m home!”
by (Chris Pinckney), 3 hours, 10 minutes ago.
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@texburgher I call it Favstar.
by (Brian Bolter), 3 hours, 12 minutes ago.
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If there's one thing I'm able to do with absolute consistency it's write down a grocery list and forget to take it with me.
by (El Pee), 3 hours, 33 minutes ago.
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Love is spending 95 minutes on hair and makeup and putting on a pretty dress, then ruining it all in a fuckfest on the floor in 10 minutes.
by (Snatch), 4 hours, 16 minutes ago.
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When a product claims to take your experience "to the next level," I just assume they're talking about hell.
by (SeoulBrother), 4 hours, 29 minutes ago.
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But seriously, I tuck my pinky under the iPhone when I hold it and the dock hole is sharp.

Class-action lawsuit? http://yfrog.com/2dw4hoj
by (jimk), 4 hours, 43 minutes ago.
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Sorry. I realize that was pretty thin camouflage for a second bumper joke, but my lawyers assured me it was a perfectly reasonable response.
by (Geoff Barnes), 5 hours, 3 minutes ago.
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Yes ma'am. I'll hang my head in shame after I've hung my testicles in this iced coffee.

My dignity takes a back seat when battling the heat
by (Jonathan), 5 hours, 9 minutes ago.
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I LIKE GOING TO THE DRIVE-THRU AT THE BANK SO I CAN WATCH THE LADY'S FACE WHEN SHE OPENS THE PLASTIC TUBE THAT I FARTED IN.
by (Mikey ADHD), 5 hours, 32 minutes ago.
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Apparently this is not a karaoke bar, but a daycare. I've been asked to stop singing and told that I have a right to remain silent.
by (Doctor Zaius), 6 hours, 5 minutes ago.
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I can't remember why I love you but I promise I will once you're naked.
by (Stretch Bootcut), 6 hours, 11 minutes ago.
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Truth is, I go to the MoMA more to look at the people than to look at the art.
by (Lucius Kwok), 6 hours, 18 minutes ago.
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Reuben McGriddle is my nom nom de plume.
by (Sam Hey), 6 hours, 34 minutes ago.
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Ever leave your phone at your desk and end up reading your wallet in the restroom? Ever tweet about it? Ever hope my boss doesn't see this?
by (Adam Isacson), 6 hours, 54 minutes ago.
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The hardest part about being a parent is fighting the urge to tip more when you see a dancer's cesarean scar.
by (JT), 6 hours, 59 minutes ago.
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Blowing my load in the coin return slot of pay phones just doesn't do it for me anymore.

That's one of the signs of depression, isn't it?
by (fistacuff), 7 hours, 21 minutes ago.
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"You have a dog, right? Does its feet smell like old popcorn to you?" --coworker
by (Erica Minton), 7 hours, 33 minutes ago.
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Dear Mom: Your son's hair length has crossed the line from "hip kid" to "my mother wanted a little girl".
by (Ben Brooks), 7 hours, 48 minutes ago.
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I'm trying to connect the dots between my thoughts and came up with the outline of nipple clamps. Wonder what that means.
by (Crusty Juggler), 7 hours, 53 minutes ago.
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