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allantastic

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If I were redesigning the bazooka I would make it look like a cat. People would be all, "That's a big, fucking cat," and then POW!
by (Trelvix), 1 hour, 27 minutes ago.
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Why does Robert Plant get all the chicks? I wear a fringe vest and talk about Tolkien too.
by (Jim Hamilton), 4 hours, 26 minutes ago.
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IT'S CRIPPLING INSECURITY AND BUD LIGHT LIME TIME.
by (Sam Hey), 5 hours, 9 minutes ago.
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At what age should you tell kids that you'd totally fuck their dad?
by (Alison Agosti), 6 hours, 7 minutes ago.
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CSS Tip: If you plan to use <sub> or <sup> in your site, add this to your style sheet for pleasing text alignment: sub, sup {line-height:1;}
by (Eric E. Anderson), 6 hours, 57 minutes ago.
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You'll never meet a bigger hypocrite than the first k in the word knock.
by (Michael Pierce), 7 hours, 51 minutes ago.
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Facebook is trying to trademark the word "Face". I am going to trademark the word "aceboo", and then wait for the dollars to roll in.
by (Conan O'Brien), 8 hours, 9 minutes ago.
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@biorhythmist If you shave it, you can eat a peach in TEN seconds. It’s true. Ask your mom.
by (Mike Monteiro), 8 hours, 15 minutes ago.
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Clear bra straps aren't invisible bra straps and they make you look like you're stuffed in a 6-pack ring.
by (kelly oxford), 8 hours, 26 minutes ago.
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YOU CANNOT GROW LETTUCE ON AN ICEBERG!
by (Laura), 8 hours, 43 minutes ago.
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I think Ben Roethlisberger should have to play every game, if only so ladies in Pittsburgh know when it's safe to go outside.
by (ben schwartz), 8 hours, 46 minutes ago.
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RT @shanethevein: That Favstar leaderboard is totally unfair. There should be a separate board for us employed people.
by (Pete), 9 hours, 5 minutes ago.
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I'm not gay, but I would totally go gay for Tilda Swinton. Even though she's a woman & I'm a man. It's complicated. You wouldn't understand.
by (Uncle Dynamite), 10 hours, 14 minutes ago.
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believes that sleeping on couches is a lost art form. The specific form is a waiver you sign to not ask questions about the sofa's past.
by (Aparna Nancherla), 10 hours, 26 minutes ago.
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I prioritized your mom's Inbox. Then I set up gmail filters so all of her Amazon emails went to one folder. Then I fucked her.
by (matt), 10 hours, 29 minutes ago.
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Hells yeah I got Highlights put in my hair! I loved that magazine as a kid. Here, I'll turn around so you can read Goofus and Gallant.
by (Corey Hinds), 10 hours, 29 minutes ago.
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"Highlights from The Comedy Central Roast of Beowulf." See? I could write for McSweeney's.
by (David S.), 10 hours, 53 minutes ago.
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Quit coffee for Labor Day weekend. Just in case: 1) It was nice knowing you. 2) I didn't mean to kill that person, officer.
by (caprice crane), 10 hours, 58 minutes ago.
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Note to self: I think we should see other people.
by (dailydillydally), 11 hours, 1 minute ago.
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Magicians are amazing. Even when I think I've seen it before, they always find new and exciting ways to dress like douchebags.
by (Julia Segal), 11 hours, 2 minutes ago.
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