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blindsquirrel42

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I'm reporting that Burger King mascot to the State's Sex Offender Registry. Unless he brings me Burger King French Fries to buy my silence
by (Zino Macaluso), 1 hour, 32 minutes ago.
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There are grievous branding errors, and then there is Dressbarn.
by (Linda ), 2 hours, 39 minutes ago.
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Oh no I can't believe I missed your call when I declined it because I was playing Bejeweled.
by (Robin McCauley), 2 hours, 40 minutes ago.
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When Cleopatra told Mark Antony she wanted to commit suicide, he replied, "There's an asp for that."
by (Feengrangle Qualis), 2 hours, 51 minutes ago.
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Is there a polite why to tell our pediatrician that I think she's hot and I want her to check my prostate?
by (Mr. Havercamp), 2 hours, 51 minutes ago.
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What nobody ever tells you as a kid is that at some point the drugs stop working.
by (Ryan Collins), 3 hours, 2 minutes ago.
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I'm making wings & fries for dinner. I have a habañero hot sauce that I'll be putting on my wings. Lips will burn, nose will run.
by (Thomas), 3 hours, 2 minutes ago.
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Tickets to the game - $60.
Two hotdogs - $10.
Watching your daughter enjoy baseball - priceless? Hardly ... it was $70.
by (Josh Donoghue), 3 hours, 4 minutes ago.
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DA: Al Gore will not be charged with sexual assault because there's no more evidence of his guilt than, say, global warming.
by (Semi Sweet), 3 hours, 8 minutes ago.
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No, you are fucked! Sit there in your fuckedness and be fucked! You fuckster!
by (Kevin), 3 hours, 9 minutes ago.
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You know what also makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me?"

Twitter.
by (Praxis Universal), 3 hours, 16 minutes ago.
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I got called a "sexy weird language speaking hot piece of ass" today. Your day is invalid.
by (Little Tiger), 3 hours, 17 minutes ago.
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Apparently this is not a karaoke bar, but a daycare. I've been asked to stop singing and told that I have a right to remain silent.
by (Doctor Zaius), 3 hours, 18 minutes ago.
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All my farts now are like my worst college fart.
by (Alec Sulkin), 3 hours, 18 minutes ago.
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"Every kiss begins with roofying her drink and bringing her back to your sweet trailer"

-Kay jewelers attempting to reach a new demographic
by (ruthakers), 3 hours, 20 minutes ago.
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Just read my timeline and I wouldn't follow me.
by (Kim ), 3 hours, 21 minutes ago.
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You're the Apple® of my iPhone. NO DON'T USE IT! Uhhh...funny story about those sexts and naked pics. Get out?
by (Prime Directive), 3 hours, 23 minutes ago.
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My neighbor just ran over his cat's tail.

I haven't heard noise like that since Tina Turner's last album.
by (rodney), 3 hours, 26 minutes ago.
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I want a backwards suggestion list. "Don't follow these guys, seriously. You'll hate 'em."
by (amuirin), 3 hours, 29 minutes ago.
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Pulling a bag of weed out of your wallet while checking out at Walmart will get you a wink. Just like at Waffle House & White Castle. Weird.
by (Knotta fended easily), 3 hours, 31 minutes ago.
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