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crackbarbie

Tweets favorited by crackbarbie’s friends.

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The theme is vampires but I'm going as the quivering damsel. This concludes today's episode of Freud 101. Tomorrow: The Cigar Who Loved Me.
by (Melissa), 1 hour, 11 minutes ago.
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The upside is Charlie Rangel has plenty of places to choose from if he retires.
by (Brian Bolter), 1 hour, 40 minutes ago.
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The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was buying his OCD roommate toilet paper with lotion in it.
by (John ), 1 hour, 41 minutes ago.
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Great idea for big cities: bathroom stores.
by (Bailey Siewert), 1 hour, 45 minutes ago.
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I want beer. All of the beer in the whole wide world. All of it! ALL OF ITTTTTTT!
by (Sarah), 1 hour, 49 minutes ago.
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Riding a motorcycle to Temple.

Shabbat shalom indeed!
by (D. E. Benson), 1 hour, 57 minutes ago.
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Texting my ex-boyfriend and he sends a random penis pic. It's just a small reminder of why we are no longer together.
by (Lindsay), 2 hours, 15 minutes ago.
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If only my employer knew I'd be happy about receiving my wages in wine. Don't quote me on that though. I'm just drunk at work.
by (Crackbarbie), 2 hours, 25 minutes ago.
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There is a glass of simple syrup in my fridge. Technically it's for cocktails but I'll probably end up chugging it anyway.
by (Chris Aucutt), 2 hours, 35 minutes ago.
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Sorry. I realize that was pretty thin camouflage for a second bumper joke, but my lawyers assured me it was a perfectly reasonable response.
by (Geoff Barnes), 2 hours, 45 minutes ago.
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Have transformed a blackhead barely visible to the human eye into my own personal Eyjafjallajökull. So that’s nice
by (Mrs Joshua Homme), 2 hours, 56 minutes ago.
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You guys. Sometimes my real life IS as glamorous as my tweets.
by (you are killing me), 2 hours, 57 minutes ago.
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My cab driver uses his blinkers when changing lanes. Is this real life??
by (Yodel T. Machine), 2 hours, 59 minutes ago.
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I just found out Justin Bieber's going to be in town tomorrow night so I only have one day to gather the villagers, torches and pitchforks.
by (Shauna. With a u.), 2 hours, 59 minutes ago.
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I'd rather be given a Dutch Oven by Brian Dennehy than make small talk.
by (Anonymous Johnson), 3 hours, 1 minute ago.
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There are far to many exclamation points in this conversation for me to even feel remotely comfortable anymore.
by (Ryan Mick-D), 3 hours, 1 minute ago.
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Hmm, repeatedly clicking on various email messages in my inbox is not making them disappear. Well, might as well go home—I tried!
by (Scott Simpson), 3 hours, 5 minutes ago.
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Other people who weren't invited to Chelsea Clinton's wedding: Mel Gibson, Orville Redenbacher, @kolchak, Wally the Orca Whale, pancakes.
by (The Night Stalker), 3 hours, 6 minutes ago.
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The scrutiny with which I pick up, turn, smell and select my fresh fruit would lead you to believe I know what I'm doing.

I don't.
by (ruthakers), 3 hours, 7 minutes ago.
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When Cleopatra told Mark Antony she wanted to commit suicide, he replied, "There's an asp for that."
by (Feengrangle Qualis), 3 hours, 21 minutes ago.
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