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digerati9

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C'mere mamacita, put down that Fixodent and let the doctor teach you the Gimpy Pelican.
by (Sam Hey), 1 hour, 14 minutes ago.
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Snow's starting to melt. Soon I'll have to rake the leaves from last fall and do something with the dead panda. I told the kids he ran away.
by (Joshua Allen), 2 hours, 37 minutes ago.
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Sometimes thongs are so comfortable you forget to pull them down to excrete. Not me though. I go in my Depends.
by (your real name), 2 hours, 52 minutes ago.
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Still haven't heard about a sticky gas pedal on Hummer limos.
by (Brian Bolter), 2 hours, 53 minutes ago.
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I just BUTCHERED Kodachrome on drunkaoke. IM SORRY PAUL SIMON!!!
by (your real name), 3 hours, 14 minutes ago.
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I'm guessing all these Runaway Toyotas probably just needed time and space to escape the pressures of their upcoming weddings.
by (Jason Permenter), 3 hours, 20 minutes ago.
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I believe what we have here is a failure to shutthefuckuperate.
by (tenacious d.), 3 hours, 28 minutes ago.
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Going to spend some quality time with my wife. Be back in 2 minutes.
by (Mike Something), 3 hours, 30 minutes ago.
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Thanks to that bitch Gloria Estefan I’m still terrified of the “rhythm”…
by (Beersuds), 3 hours, 34 minutes ago.
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My tweet stream is like my pee stream. It's dark & cloudy 1st thing in the morning & then gets clearer & more frequent as the day wears on.
by (Mike Something), 3 hours, 34 minutes ago.
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I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me.
by (your real name), 3 hours, 40 minutes ago.
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A Korean man married a pillow with a woman's pic on it. Yes, this is truly the "Beyond" part of "Bed, Bath and Beyond."
by (caprice crane), 3 hours, 51 minutes ago.
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I can’t get any sleep with the headlights shining in my window.

Not to mention the sirens & the cops yelling “come out with your hands up”.
by (Christoffer B.M.K.), 4 hours, 4 minutes ago.
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I'm starting to think that guy wasn't really an official bikini inspector. This thing is clearly way too small for me.
by (Günther Green), 4 hours, 17 minutes ago.
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I’m sure there’s a submissive, gay southern rock band named ZZ-Bottom.
by (Jason Mustian ), 4 hours, 26 minutes ago.
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Black guy is asking about my hair. "Dang, that's an old skool mullet."
by (your real name), 4 hours, 26 minutes ago.
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It's not like my dog literally ordered me to murder you. It's more like we both need you dead and mutually decided I should handle it.
by (reverendross), 4 hours, 28 minutes ago.
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If Vince Lombardi was alive, he’d probably quote me all the time.
by (Chris Pinckney), 4 hours, 30 minutes ago.
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The grass is greener on the other side because my neighbor has plenty of bullshit over there to use as fertilizer.
by (Bethamphetamine ), 4 hours, 31 minutes ago.
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I like to cum on a woman's back because that way they won't notice it until the go to hang up their suit jacket.
by (Nikolai), 4 hours, 45 minutes ago.
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