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giromide

Tweets favorited by giromide’s friends.

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If I were redesigning the bazooka I would make it look like a cat. People would be all, "That's a big, fucking cat," and then POW!
by (Trelvix), 1 hour, 11 minutes ago.
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@Just_Alison @daveshumka My God. She's right. Unstar.
by (Polythene Spam), 1 hour, 23 minutes ago.
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Never doing cougar porn movies again. Too many claw marks.
by (Mike), 1 hour, 25 minutes ago.
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Sitting here alone on a Friday night with an empty bottle of wine and empty bag of Oreos. And why? Because I accomplish my goals. Losers.
by (Guess), 1 hour, 27 minutes ago.
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The cat wears my bras better than I do. FML.
by (Kirsten's Desk), 1 hour, 31 minutes ago.
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If you have to urinate in public, just remember: eye contact.
by (Dexter Tunseeprasert), 1 hour, 33 minutes ago.
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I can't comprehend simple mathematical concepts, but at least I can reenact the entire 'Sesame Street's Get Up and Dance' video from memory.
by (Kelly Kilimnik), 1 hour, 34 minutes ago.
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Oregon is the Amazon Prime of states. When a thing says it costs $29.99, check this out - you pay $29.99!
by (Neven Mrgan), 1 hour, 35 minutes ago.
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White people will never not sing the bum bum bum's in 'Sweet Caroline'.
by (ruthakers), 1 hour, 41 minutes ago.
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You need an ID for allergy medication because people use it to make meth & yet the pharmacy never has instructions on how to make it.
by (Katie L), 1 hour, 41 minutes ago.
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If a chick walks into the bar dancing I give her 3 minutes before she's puking on the dance floor.
by (Meg Abbitch), 1 hour, 44 minutes ago.
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I love Twitter users who jerk each other off all day & never try following anyone new. I don't follow everyone back but I check stuff out.
by (fuckedy), 1 hour, 46 minutes ago.
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Quick! I need to lose 250 pounds by tomorrow! Suggestions?
by (Catherine ), 1 hour, 47 minutes ago.
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As you get older, do you ever stop and wonder if you're, simply, socially fucked for the rest of your life?
by (Guess), 1 hour, 49 minutes ago.
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I want to direct a video clip and have a girl walking along a beach with the tide lapping at her feet because that's never been done before
by (designertalks), 1 hour, 50 minutes ago.
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Guy: you know raspberries & blueberries are highest in anti-oxidants?

Me: nods head

Dude: ok, I'm not going to talk to you anymore
by (~SUMMER~), 1 hour, 50 minutes ago.
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"Oh, blow me", said the tissue.
by (notorious d.e.b.), 1 hour, 58 minutes ago.
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Window shopping and being broke suck. You have no idea how hard it is to steal a 3 foot high window.
by (David Klein), 2 hours, 1 minute ago.
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Tonight, under the waning crescent moon, Sarah Palin bathes in the blood of elderly Republican Fox News viewers, laughing.
by (Clayton Hove), 2 hours, 1 minute ago.
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I bet peeping toms see a lot more nose picking than they bargain for.
by (Josh Hara), 2 hours, 1 minute ago.
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