Tweeteorites

joshacagan

Tweets favorited by joshacagan’s friends.

Leaderboard Friends’ Faves Ego Boost

To see favorites from all this user's friends, timelines need to be enabled. To enable timelines, this user needs to either sign in with Twitter:

Or to ask @tweeteorites on Twitter.

After being enabled, it may take several hours for the timeline to show up.

When someone uses 'diarrhea of the mouth', I don't think they really remember the last time they had diarrhea.
by (Matthew), 44 minutes ago.
Favorited by Friend
Also by

Just did my first FaceTime call. Notes:
-No black guy on the other end like the ads claim.
-Decent level of nudity.
-Your mom says hello.
by (Jeff Kelley), 45 minutes ago.
Favorited by Friend
Also by

FUCK CHOCOLATE COOKIES -FUCK THEM IN THEIR RICH CHOCOLATE ASSHOLES
by (Josh Hara), 2 hours, 18 minutes ago.
Favorited by Friend

I wish the little kids who made this t-shirt could see how awesome my boobs look.
by (best girl betty), 2 hours, 20 minutes ago.
Favorited by Friend
Also by

How do I know my Ronald McDonald House Charity donation won't go to shore up Grimmace's child molestation court costs?
by (The Night Stalker), 2 hours, 20 minutes ago.
Favorited by Friend

I'm glad we don't walk around with our vaginas showing. It's been so humid, and you'd think I'm too old for these pig tails.
by (nine thumps), 2 hours, 22 minutes ago.
Favorited by Friend

Any man squinting into the setting sun not thinking of Clint Eastwood is denying the very nature of his soul.
by (Josh Hara), 2 hours, 37 minutes ago.
Favorited by Friend
Also by

Naturally, "Egg Beaters" are tank-tops for white-trash roosters.
by (Jason Mustian ), 2 hours, 38 minutes ago.
Favorited by Friend

There is a glass of simple syrup in my fridge. Technically it's for cocktails but I'll probably end up chugging it anyway.
by (Chris Aucutt), 2 hours, 38 minutes ago.
Favorited by Friend
Also by

I kiss your mother with this mouth
by (Without Pants), 2 hours, 40 minutes ago.
Favorited by Friend

Every month my gf comes in complaining of minstrel blood. I hate bards as much as the next guy but stabbing is culturally unrefined.
by (Josh S), 2 hours, 40 minutes ago.
Favorited by Friend

Here's the video clip from my TV interview earlier. As you can see, the role of me was played by George Clooney. http://bit.ly/cy0GXo
by (Rex Huppke), 2 hours, 44 minutes ago.
Favorited by Friend

Just explained twitter to someone.
Sigh.
by (Morgan ), 2 hours, 44 minutes ago.
Favorited by Friend

Yes, art is subjective, but my god some poetry is unbelievably crapalicious.
by (Ben Brooks), 2 hours, 45 minutes ago.
Favorited by Friend

It turns out that using her vibrator to stir a can of paint was somewhat of a dildon't.
by (Brent Something), 2 hours, 57 minutes ago.
Favorited by Friend

If I ever get kidnapped, I hope:

A. The kidnappers feed me McGriddles. and
B. They don't kill or eat me.

In that order.
by (MJ), 2 hours, 58 minutes ago.
Favorited by Friend
Also by

@lafix I'm fighting it. Like a werewolf fights the full moon. Or a comedian fights against making a joke at a funeral. Or two jokes.
by (Fake J. Adam Moore), 3 hours, 12 minutes ago.
Favorited by Friend
Also by

I am the Roger Bannister of sliding down staircase handrails.
by (matt), 3 hours, 13 minutes ago.
Favorited by Friend
Also by

I have an uncontrollable urge to hate. I just feel I gotta do this.
by (Fake J. Adam Moore), 3 hours, 21 minutes ago.
Favorited by Friend

When Cleopatra told Mark Antony she wanted to commit suicide, he replied, "There's an asp for that."
by (Feengrangle Qualis), 3 hours, 23 minutes ago.
Favorited by Friend
Also by