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joshuajabbour

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Twitter's only showing my @-replies from 2007. I hope this is the 1st scene of a time travel movie where I teach everyone about hashtags.
by (m), 2 hours, 13 minutes ago.
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My parents are "dancing". It looks like they're being attacked by bees.
by (Aimee B), 2 hours, 21 minutes ago.
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I explained I was wearing flip flops because of my infected open heel wound, not poor fashion, but people still wouldn't high five me. :(
by (Jason), 2 hours, 39 minutes ago.
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You still pay for a cell phone? In Bed-Stuy we use courier pigeons instead. If you see me clapping on a rooftop, I'm checking my voicemail.
by (Simon Goetz), 2 hours, 48 minutes ago.
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In the middle of a discussion about Facebook and gender, she suddenly says "Oh! Butter!" and runs out of the room.
by (Simon Crowley), 3 hours, 6 minutes ago.
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I see you're looking at the Aston Martin. You have fine taste. Perhaps I can interest you in a reheated Big Mac. -Facebook as a Car Salesman
by (luckyshirt), 3 hours, 6 minutes ago.
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♪ Bourbon in my slushie ♪
by (Jason Sweeney), 3 hours, 10 minutes ago.
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Me: "Oh god. I wonder what else can go wrong."
Husband: "Hurricane tomorrow."
Me: "Touché."
by (Beth), 3 hours, 15 minutes ago.
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If they made an 80-ton bag of popcorn, I'd still be surprised when I scraped the bottom halfway through the movie.
by (Katie Rose), 3 hours, 27 minutes ago.
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Penis car penis car drives wherever the penises are no I will not shut up I paid to eat in this restaurant goddammit
by (Jay Hathaway), 3 hours, 30 minutes ago.
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made me teary! RT @makoollovesyou: cutest pregnancy video ever http://bit.ly/aiB608 via http://joannagoddard.blogspot.com/
by (oh joy), 3 hours, 48 minutes ago.
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IT'S CRIPPLING INSECURITY AND BUD LIGHT LIME TIME.
by (Sam Hey), 3 hours, 53 minutes ago.
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Someday, Son, all these Automoblox will be yours.
by (David Jacobs), 3 hours, 56 minutes ago.
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@mat @dylan20 @tcarmody I just keep a special VIP list to prioritize Twitter: http://bit.ly/apB68P
by (Will Smith), 4 hours, 28 minutes ago.
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You put the IRL in girlfriend.
by (Chris Clark), 5 hours, 27 minutes ago.
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Violent Femme's "Blister in the Sun" turned out to be herpes.
by (Mat Johnson), 5 hours, 44 minutes ago.
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I know when I think "computer tech support", I think "Florence Henderson" - http://www.flohclub.com/
by (Jeff Chausse), 5 hours, 45 minutes ago.
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Talf sdnoces 020 seconds flat.
by (A. Koford), 6 hours, 40 minutes ago.
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I can ride my bike over a bed of nails; in 20 seconds: flat.
by (Christa Mrgan), 6 hours, 49 minutes ago.
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@biorhythmist If you shave it, you can eat a peach in TEN seconds. It’s true. Ask your mom.
by (Mike Monteiro), 6 hours, 59 minutes ago.
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