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ladawn

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@Just_Alison @daveshumka My God. She's right. Unstar.
by (Polythene Spam), 19 minutes ago.
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Oregon is the Amazon Prime of states. When a thing says it costs $29.99, check this out - you pay $29.99!
by (Neven Mrgan), 31 minutes ago.
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"A thousand shots of Debbie Harry's poon don't just vanish from the Internet overnight. No. Uh-uh. Somebody had to gone and done something."
by (JTD), 36 minutes ago.
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White people will never not sing the bum bum bum's in 'Sweet Caroline'.
by (ruthakers), 37 minutes ago.
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My GPS is kind of a bitch.
by (Theresa), 41 minutes ago.
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Guy: you know raspberries & blueberries are highest in anti-oxidants?

Me: nods head

Dude: ok, I'm not going to talk to you anymore
by (~SUMMER~), 46 minutes ago.
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I've said it before and I'll say it again: The "do the dog face" scene in "Bolt" is some of the best character animation I've ever seen.
by (Jeffery Harrell), 47 minutes ago.
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I need to write a book just so I can use, "The only thing tight about her were the stalactites growing in her cervix."
by (Aimee B), 58 minutes ago.
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14yo: "Some people quote presidents. Some people quote prophets. Our family quotes comedians and Arrested Development."
by (Jerilyn Hassell Pool), 1 hour, 18 minutes ago.
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Twitter's only showing my @-replies from 2007. I hope this is the 1st scene of a time travel movie where I teach everyone about hashtags.
by (m), 2 hours, 8 minutes ago.
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BP must be in the diaper business, too. These blowout preventers never work.
by (Brian Bolter), 2 hours, 22 minutes ago.
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I explained I was wearing flip flops because of my infected open heel wound, not poor fashion, but people still wouldn't high five me. :(
by (Jason), 2 hours, 34 minutes ago.
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 No results found for "Shirley Temple Black Russian"

Until now.
by (matt), 2 hours, 37 minutes ago.
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In less than an hour I will attempt to live-tweet a color photograph of the actual Bun E. Carlos. You may begin refreshing... NOW.
by (JTD), 2 hours, 44 minutes ago.
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Just got hit on by a Blackberry user. Gross.
by (Chris Clark), 2 hours, 51 minutes ago.
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Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam is on. Well there goes my idea for a great summer camp porn movie title.
by (Wade), 2 hours, 52 minutes ago.
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Just found out that 1 out of 2 people enjoy sex in their marriages.

My guess is that it's the husband.
by (P.B. & JAM IT IN!), 2 hours, 56 minutes ago.
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I see you're looking at the Aston Martin. You have fine taste. Perhaps I can interest you in a reheated Big Mac. -Facebook as a Car Salesman
by (luckyshirt), 3 hours, 2 minutes ago.
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♪ Bourbon in my slushie ♪
by (Jason Sweeney), 3 hours, 5 minutes ago.
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Why does Robert Plant get all the chicks? I wear a fringe vest and talk about Tolkien too.
by (Jim Hamilton), 3 hours, 6 minutes ago.
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