mahalis

White people will never not sing the bum bum bum's in 'Sweet Caroline'.
by ruthakers (ruthakers), 2 hours, 5 minutes ago. ¶
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My senses are so good I don't need a divining rod to find beer at the Minnesota State Fair.
by FlyoverJoel (Joel Ingersoll), 2 hours, 9 minutes ago. ¶
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Guy: you know raspberries & blueberries are highest in anti-oxidants?

Me: nods head

Dude: ok, I'm not going to talk to you anymore
by summersumz (~SUMMER~), 2 hours, 15 minutes ago. ¶
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I'll party like it's whatever goddamn year I want. And get off my lawn.
by debihope (notorious d.e.b.), 2 hours, 17 minutes ago. ¶
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Earl? Pfft. Even the name sounds like someone who would come up short.
by 1surlygurl (Dilligaf), 2 hours, 35 minutes ago. ¶
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I tried to be a workaholic but workahol tastes like shit.
by donni (donni), 2 hours, 37 minutes ago. ¶
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I worked in a store called Anger. I left because they had such poor management.
by ShiTaTwit (Funnyshit), 2 hours, 40 minutes ago. ¶
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I used to have a great job as a bullet, but then I got fired.
by ShiTaTwit (Funnyshit), 2 hours, 46 minutes ago. ¶
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After the apocalypse, when we have to survive on cans of cat food, I'll be totally fine. Really. I might add a dash of salt. Mmmm.
by nevenmrgan (Neven Mrgan), 3 hours, 3 minutes ago. ¶
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To my friends in the BDSM community: I got your leash.
by TinyNietzsche (Fredrick Nietzsche), 3 hours, 8 minutes ago. ¶
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I need lots of high 5's.
by IsJonas (jenny ), 3 hours, 23 minutes ago. ¶
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I'm pretty sure anyone who giggles about Marmaduke doesn't get marma-laid.
by spacemanfoo (spacemanfoo), 3 hours, 28 minutes ago. ¶
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How many roofies do I slip in a pizza, you know ... if the pizza's playing hard to get?
by awryone (Josh Donoghue), 3 hours, 37 minutes ago. ¶
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My parents are "dancing". It looks like they're being attacked by bees.
by Aimee_B_Loved (Aimee B), 3 hours, 45 minutes ago. ¶
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Who bought the Horses Activity Fun Kit for the girls?
Hope it wasn't Great Aunt Catherine.
by joesmith_really (Crotchety Crank), 3 hours, 46 minutes ago. ¶
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Earthquake in New Zealand.

@favstar is based in New Zealand.

I give the earthquake 7.1 favstars.
by iThumbmynose (iThumb), 3 hours, 49 minutes ago. ¶
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The mouth is a human's first, and still best, tool.
by joesmith_really (Crotchety Crank), 3 hours, 50 minutes ago. ¶
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I explained I was wearing flip flops because of my infected open heel wound, not poor fashion, but people still wouldn't high five me. :(
by CranberryPerson (Jason), 4 hours, 3 minutes ago. ¶
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The Jonas Brothers have lots of moles. I hope they get them checked often.
by stacey727 (Stacey), 4 hours, 4 minutes ago. ¶
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I think it's time we started retweeting other people.
by MLeeHolmes (M. Lee Holmes), 4 hours, 5 minutes ago. ¶
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