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martenmantel

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White people will never not sing the bum bum bum's in 'Sweet Caroline'.
by (ruthakers), 1 hour, 16 minutes ago.
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After the apocalypse, when we have to survive on cans of cat food, I'll be totally fine. Really. I might add a dash of salt. Mmmm.
by (Neven Mrgan), 2 hours, 14 minutes ago.
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How many roofies do I slip in a pizza, you know ... if the pizza's playing hard to get?
by (Josh Donoghue), 2 hours, 48 minutes ago.
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The Jonas Brothers have lots of moles. I hope they get them checked often.
by (Stacey), 3 hours, 15 minutes ago.
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 No results found for "Shirley Temple Black Russian"

Until now.
by (matt), 3 hours, 16 minutes ago.
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I see you're looking at the Aston Martin. You have fine taste. Perhaps I can interest you in a reheated Big Mac. -Facebook as a Car Salesman
by (luckyshirt), 3 hours, 41 minutes ago.
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My toots have been too sexual lately and I'm sorry. Here: Tyler Perry's House of Paynecakes. Not funny, but at least I didn't say boner.
by (Alison Agosti), 4 hours, 2 minutes ago.
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My parents got a new TV in the living room and a new bug zapper out on the porch. I got a Sophie's Choice.
by (Erik Price), 4 hours, 31 minutes ago.
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@bailey your mother.
by (Shane), 4 hours, 43 minutes ago.
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Got a flat on 22nd.
by (Shane), 4 hours, 50 minutes ago.
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Yeah, so, @bailey and I forming a band called "The Pigeon Collision."
by (Robert S Andersen), 5 hours, 3 minutes ago.
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"Hummus is the Android of food." -@cw
by (Evan Williams), 5 hours, 14 minutes ago.
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At what age should you tell kids that you'd totally fuck their dad?
by (Alison Agosti), 5 hours, 26 minutes ago.
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I love you guys (and your moms)
by (matt), 5 hours, 55 minutes ago.
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I can go for seconds 20 times flat... No, wait.

Nevermind. Play on players.
by (Rhona ), 7 hours ago.
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I can star all these "20 seconds flat" tweets in 20... "Whoa nelly!"... 30 seconds flat.
by (Andy), 7 hours, 1 minute ago.
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I can fist-bump 20 bros in 20 seconds frat.
by (kellydeal), 7 hours, 2 minutes ago.
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I can figure out what the hell this Twitter meme is in 20 seconds flat. Oh wait, no I can't.
by (Charles Englert), 7 hours, 4 minutes ago.
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I can be 20 minutes late to this thing in 20 seconds flat.
by (Matt Mullin), 7 hours, 7 minutes ago.
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I will regret posting this tweet in 20 seconds flat.
by (Jacob Hacopian), 7 hours, 9 minutes ago.
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