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melissasantos

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@Just_Alison @daveshumka My God. She's right. Unstar.
by (Polythene Spam), 21 minutes ago.
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Oregon is the Amazon Prime of states. When a thing says it costs $29.99, check this out - you pay $29.99!
by (Neven Mrgan), 33 minutes ago.
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"A thousand shots of Debbie Harry's poon don't just vanish from the Internet overnight. No. Uh-uh. Somebody had to gone and done something."
by (JTD), 38 minutes ago.
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White people will never not sing the bum bum bum's in 'Sweet Caroline'.
by (ruthakers), 39 minutes ago.
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My GPS is kind of a bitch.
by (Theresa), 43 minutes ago.
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I've said it before and I'll say it again: The "do the dog face" scene in "Bolt" is some of the best character animation I've ever seen.
by (Jeffery Harrell), 49 minutes ago.
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14yo: "Some people quote presidents. Some people quote prophets. Our family quotes comedians and Arrested Development."
by (Jerilyn Hassell Pool), 1 hour, 20 minutes ago.
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After the apocalypse, when we have to survive on cans of cat food, I'll be totally fine. Really. I might add a dash of salt. Mmmm.
by (Neven Mrgan), 1 hour, 37 minutes ago.
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My parents are "dancing". It looks like they're being attacked by bees.
by (Aimee B), 2 hours, 18 minutes ago.
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I explained I was wearing flip flops because of my infected open heel wound, not poor fashion, but people still wouldn't high five me. :(
by (Jason), 2 hours, 36 minutes ago.
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 No results found for "Shirley Temple Black Russian"

Until now.
by (matt), 2 hours, 39 minutes ago.
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You still pay for a cell phone? In Bed-Stuy we use courier pigeons instead. If you see me clapping on a rooftop, I'm checking my voicemail.
by (Simon Goetz), 2 hours, 45 minutes ago.
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In less than an hour I will attempt to live-tweet a color photograph of the actual Bun E. Carlos. You may begin refreshing... NOW.
by (JTD), 2 hours, 46 minutes ago.
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Just got hit on by a Blackberry user. Gross.
by (Chris Clark), 2 hours, 53 minutes ago.
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Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam is on. Well there goes my idea for a great summer camp porn movie title.
by (Wade), 2 hours, 55 minutes ago.
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Just found out that 1 out of 2 people enjoy sex in their marriages.

My guess is that it's the husband.
by (P.B. & JAM IT IN!), 2 hours, 58 minutes ago.
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In the middle of a discussion about Facebook and gender, she suddenly says "Oh! Butter!" and runs out of the room.
by (Simon Crowley), 3 hours, 4 minutes ago.
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I see you're looking at the Aston Martin. You have fine taste. Perhaps I can interest you in a reheated Big Mac. -Facebook as a Car Salesman
by (luckyshirt), 3 hours, 4 minutes ago.
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♪ Bourbon in my slushie ♪
by (Jason Sweeney), 3 hours, 7 minutes ago.
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Why does Robert Plant get all the chicks? I wear a fringe vest and talk about Tolkien too.
by (Jim Hamilton), 3 hours, 8 minutes ago.
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