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@Just_Alison @daveshumka My God. She's right. Unstar.
by BettyLies (Polythene Spam),
1 hour, 9 minutes ago.
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White people will never not sing the bum bum bum's in 'Sweet Caroline'.
by ruthakers (ruthakers),
1 hour, 27 minutes ago.
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After the apocalypse, when we have to survive on cans of cat food, I'll be totally fine. Really. I might add a dash of salt. Mmmm.
by nevenmrgan (Neven Mrgan),
2 hours, 25 minutes ago.
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How many roofies do I slip in a pizza, you know ... if the pizza's playing hard to get?
by awryone (Josh Donoghue),
2 hours, 58 minutes ago.
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BP must be in the diaper business, too. These blowout preventers never work.
by brianbolter (Brian Bolter),
3 hours, 12 minutes ago.
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The Jonas Brothers have lots of moles. I hope they get them checked often.
by stacey727 (Stacey),
3 hours, 26 minutes ago.
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No results found for "Shirley Temple Black Russian"
Until now.
by biorhythmist (matt),
3 hours, 27 minutes ago.
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In less than an hour I will attempt to live-tweet a color photograph of the actual Bun E. Carlos. You may begin refreshing... NOW.
by sloganeerist (JTD),
3 hours, 34 minutes ago.
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I see you're looking at the Aston Martin. You have fine taste. Perhaps I can interest you in a reheated Big Mac. -Facebook as a Car Salesman
by luckyshirt (luckyshirt),
3 hours, 52 minutes ago.
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♪ Bourbon in my slushie ♪
by sween (Jason Sweeney),
3 hours, 55 minutes ago.
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Why does Robert Plant get all the chicks? I wear a fringe vest and talk about Tolkien too.
by Jim_Hamilton (Jim Hamilton),
3 hours, 56 minutes ago.
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My toots have been too sexual lately and I'm sorry. Here: Tyler Perry's House of Paynecakes. Not funny, but at least I didn't say boner.
by Just_Alison (Alison Agosti),
4 hours, 13 minutes ago.
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There is a definite hierarchy in the hotel minibar and I've gone into the cognac. God help us all.
by AmyJane (Amy Jane Gruber),
4 hours, 15 minutes ago.
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@seoulbrother @jimray @samhey I'm comin’ to your town JERKS.
by davidcairns (David Cairns),
4 hours, 33 minutes ago.
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IT'S CRIPPLING INSECURITY AND BUD LIGHT LIME TIME.
by samhey (Sam Hey),
4 hours, 38 minutes ago.
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My parents got a new TV in the living room and a new bug zapper out on the porch. I got a Sophie's Choice.
by erikprice (Erik Price),
4 hours, 41 minutes ago.
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For America's sake, I sure hope the next world conflict is some kind of televised cake war.
by badbanana (Tim Siedell),
4 hours, 49 minutes ago.
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I just saw cow sex and a goat tried to sex me and this is what I call a vacation.
by ChiNurse (ChiNurse),
4 hours, 50 minutes ago.
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@bailey your mother.
by weselec (Shane),
4 hours, 54 minutes ago.
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Frankly, your mom and I are old news. It's your dad I call for real intimacy.
by Remiel (Remiel),
4 hours, 59 minutes ago.
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