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scottgladstone

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My parents are "dancing". It looks like they're being attacked by bees.
by (Aimee B), 2 hours, 31 minutes ago.
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I explained I was wearing flip flops because of my infected open heel wound, not poor fashion, but people still wouldn't high five me. :(
by (Jason), 2 hours, 49 minutes ago.
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You still pay for a cell phone? In Bed-Stuy we use courier pigeons instead. If you see me clapping on a rooftop, I'm checking my voicemail.
by (Simon Goetz), 2 hours, 58 minutes ago.
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In the middle of a discussion about Facebook and gender, she suddenly says "Oh! Butter!" and runs out of the room.
by (Simon Crowley), 3 hours, 17 minutes ago.
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I see you're looking at the Aston Martin. You have fine taste. Perhaps I can interest you in a reheated Big Mac. -Facebook as a Car Salesman
by (luckyshirt), 3 hours, 17 minutes ago.
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Me: "Oh god. I wonder what else can go wrong."
Husband: "Hurricane tomorrow."
Me: "Touché."
by (Beth), 3 hours, 25 minutes ago.
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If they made an 80-ton bag of popcorn, I'd still be surprised when I scraped the bottom halfway through the movie.
by (Katie Rose), 3 hours, 37 minutes ago.
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Penis car penis car drives wherever the penises are no I will not shut up I paid to eat in this restaurant goddammit
by (Jay Hathaway), 3 hours, 40 minutes ago.
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#ff - An entire blog dedicated to pictures of @stephenfry 's ties - don't miss it! - http://su.pr/1FqscL
by (The Staff), 4 hours, 34 minutes ago.
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Talf sdnoces 020 seconds flat.
by (A. Koford), 6 hours, 50 minutes ago.
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I can ride my bike over a bed of nails; in 20 seconds: flat.
by (Christa Mrgan), 6 hours, 59 minutes ago.
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@biorhythmist If you shave it, you can eat a peach in TEN seconds. It’s true. Ask your mom.
by (Mike Monteiro), 7 hours, 10 minutes ago.
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Clear bra straps aren't invisible bra straps and they make you look like you're stuffed in a 6-pack ring.
by (kelly oxford), 7 hours, 20 minutes ago.
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Nine inch nails must be impossible to type with.
by (matt), 8 hours, 10 minutes ago.
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Blowjobs are a myth. Just like the tooth fairy or fingerblast Santa.
by (Alison Agosti), 8 hours, 11 minutes ago.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor, an oil rig, iTunes 10 and 33 Chilean miners walk into a bar. Stop me if you've heard this one before.
by (Josh Hopkins), 8 hours, 18 minutes ago.
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Why does Colin Firth have to be wet in all of his movies? Why do I have to be, for that matter?
by (Aimee B), 8 hours, 20 minutes ago.
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HA HA HA THE SECOND COMING IS SIGH NEVER MIND
by (the lord your god), 8 hours, 21 minutes ago.
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First week of independent life has been a rousing success. Feeling organized, focused, productive and hey are you going to eat that?
by (Beep.), 8 hours, 41 minutes ago.
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Robin asked to go Back to School shopping. I said no. Didn't have the heart to tell him he probably won't live long enough to start classes.
by (The Batman), 9 hours, 21 minutes ago.
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