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sneakypants

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I wish I owned more friends.
by (Josh Comers), 39 minutes ago.
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Sumo wrestlers would successfully fight crime if all criminals tried to escape downhill on a very skewed street.
by (Candy Crisis), 43 minutes ago.
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Some of my tweets sound like a prayer.

By a fucking nut.
by (Richard), 44 minutes ago.
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I've finally developed anti-social media.
by (obxlaw), 53 minutes ago.
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Hey Television: Free Idea: Whore Vampire housewives making cakes, TO THE DEATH!
by (MJ), 57 minutes ago.
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So, you're expecting a baby, huh?





To do what?
by (Corey Hinds), 57 minutes ago.
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Ever notice how much Glenn Beck and Mr. Bill look alike?
by (Mike Monteiro), 58 minutes ago.
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My 10 year old just told me he would rather be waterboarded than go back to school tomorrow.
by (jenny ), 1 hour, 5 minutes ago.
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Diapers are the bookends of life.
by (Sam LW), 1 hour, 5 minutes ago.
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If you don't shave or wax your pubes and you wear panty hose with no underwear, your crotch looks like Vlade Divac robbing a gas station.
by (Jenny), 1 hour, 5 minutes ago.
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Finally found the girl farts. They like to come out at night and live under the covers.
by (Travis Bowe), 1 hour, 6 minutes ago.
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Two of my co-workers are sick. They are contagious & are now going home. I am getting sick too. Sick of doing the work that they left behind
by (Gem), 1 hour, 6 minutes ago.
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1 in 5 Americans now think that Boise is a state.
by (DadsUpLate), 1 hour, 7 minutes ago.
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SHIT JUST GOT SUPER, SUPER REAL. http://twitpic.com/2m819q
by (Ted Travelstead), 1 hour, 9 minutes ago.
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My latest HuffPo: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-weber/things-done-things-won_b_708005.html Indulge me.
by (Steven Weber), 1 hour, 9 minutes ago.
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My nickname in high school was 'Skidmarks' but it's not as bad as it sounds; I just ran over a lot of cats with my car.
by (Brent Something), 1 hour, 10 minutes ago.
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Sometimes I like to eat chili and fart in an elevator. I also push all the buttons as I exit.

My pain needs to be shared.
by (Ol' Doc Vessel), 1 hour, 10 minutes ago.
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The vagina looks like a flower, but I can do without the bouquet.
by (m00n man), 1 hour, 11 minutes ago.
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The wind is broken.
by (Mark Danielson), 1 hour, 12 minutes ago.
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Surprised that SC Johnson hasn't come out with Pledge® "Allegiance" yet. Maybe make it Napalm scented. And cross promote with Air Glade?
by (dave nagel), 1 hour, 14 minutes ago.
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