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tammyphinney

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I like to spoon, but I prefer to fork .... no more Mr knife guy...
by (Glenn V), 1 day, 22 hours ago.
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I have written too when I meant to TWICE today. If I was an animal someone would put me out of my misery. Fever and spelling do not mix :(
by (Pax Paxochka), 1 day, 22 hours ago.
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"Starbucks" and "giant whale" should never be used in the same sentence.
by (Samantha Seduction), 1 day, 22 hours ago.
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Great. My book ran out of batteries. Stupid future.
by (Andy Daly), 1 day, 22 hours ago.
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I need to see the occasional movie about the world's youngest billionaire to keep me grounded.
by (Andy), 1 day, 22 hours ago.
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I just wrapped my blanket around me like a skirt. Fuck you Snuggie.
by (Meg Abbitch), 1 day, 22 hours ago.
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Nothing worse than following a comedian tweeter who doesn't tweet funny.
by (Paul), 1 day, 22 hours ago.
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Jesus was the original “Situation.” I mean, just look at those abs.
by (Dave Ihlenfeld), 1 day, 22 hours ago.
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All of us that are tweeting don’t seem to have a clue about the laws of supply and demand.
by (Ryan Clarke), 1 day, 22 hours ago.
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Someone unfriended me on Facebook. I have no idea who. I call that a win/win.
by (liar princess), 1 day, 22 hours ago.
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If it turns out to be a joke that the NFL season starts Thursday, I'm going on a psychotic rampage.
by (Julius Sharpe), 1 day, 22 hours ago.
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Three times a year my dad wakes up in a cold sweat over a missed parking spot.
by (Artie Johann), 1 day, 22 hours ago.
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They should sell Starburst by the wad.
by (A. Koford), 1 day, 22 hours ago.
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Too much beer& ambien makes the ceilings undulate quite seductively. Should I go to bed scared or have another beer and try to fuck it?
by (will write for beer), 1 day, 23 hours ago.
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I just took a double dose of Nyquil and three Tylenol PMs and now I feel like Superman. After the horse-riding accident.
by (christa), 1 day, 23 hours ago.
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Heh, "blow".
by (liar princess), 1 day, 23 hours ago.
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For several days each month ovaries make you both insanely horny and baby-crazy. Add alcohol to that powder keg and watch 'er blow.
by (liar princess), 1 day, 23 hours ago.
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Seriously, I better get to bed early. Rosh Hashanah starts tomorrow and as always I'm staying up late to watch the matzo ball drop.
by (The Guy), 1 day, 23 hours ago.
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Legend has it that if you listen to three Dire Straits songs in the dark you’ll have a mustache once the lights come on.
by (Mark M.), 1 day, 23 hours ago.
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Now is when I fall asleep reading Twitter on my phone & accidentally unfollow you (*chuckle*, "accidentally"...)
by (NOT noahWG), 1 day, 23 hours ago.
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