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torrez

Tweets favorited by torrez’s friends.

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From your mouth to God's ears. Then into your ass. Then into God's mouth. Etc, etc...
by (Jason Mustian ), 1 hour, 17 minutes ago.
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My parents are "dancing". It looks like they're being attacked by bees.
by (Aimee B), 1 hour, 25 minutes ago.
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I'm on the same page as myself which has to be better than we all did next week.
by (Morgan ), 1 hour, 39 minutes ago.
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I left the big díck in my other pants.
by (Feengrangle Qualis), 1 hour, 40 minutes ago.
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I explained I was wearing flip flops because of my infected open heel wound, not poor fashion, but people still wouldn't high five me. :(
by (Jason), 1 hour, 43 minutes ago.
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 No results found for "Shirley Temple Black Russian"

Until now.
by (matt), 1 hour, 46 minutes ago.
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I'm bored. I think I'll take the batteries out of the remote and call Comcast support to see how long it takes them to figure it out.
by (Jamie Sloan), 1 hour, 51 minutes ago.
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You still pay for a cell phone? In Bed-Stuy we use courier pigeons instead. If you see me clapping on a rooftop, I'm checking my voicemail.
by (Simon Goetz), 1 hour, 52 minutes ago.
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Just got hit on by a Blackberry user. Gross.
by (Chris Clark), 2 hours ago.
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In the middle of a discussion about Facebook and gender, she suddenly says "Oh! Butter!" and runs out of the room.
by (Simon Crowley), 2 hours, 11 minutes ago.
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I see you're looking at the Aston Martin. You have fine taste. Perhaps I can interest you in a reheated Big Mac. -Facebook as a Car Salesman
by (luckyshirt), 2 hours, 11 minutes ago.
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♪ Bourbon in my slushie ♪
by (Jason Sweeney), 2 hours, 14 minutes ago.
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Me: "Oh god. I wonder what else can go wrong."
Husband: "Hurricane tomorrow."
Me: "Touché."
by (Beth), 2 hours, 19 minutes ago.
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I spent all day drafting complex legal pleadings. And I just got lost in a Target parking lot.
by (christa), 2 hours, 20 minutes ago.
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Don't you just hate it when you think you're buying just-below-the-knee leggings and they turn out to be tights? Hipstering ain't easy.
by (Amanda2), 2 hours, 21 minutes ago.
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My buddy says he's voting for Palin because Tina Fey is hot. So there's that.
by (Mark Danielson), 2 hours, 29 minutes ago.
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My wife looks so pretty tonight all roofied up. Just like our first date.
by (MJ), 2 hours, 30 minutes ago.
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If they made an 80-ton bag of popcorn, I'd still be surprised when I scraped the bottom halfway through the movie.
by (Katie Rose), 2 hours, 31 minutes ago.
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Penis car penis car drives wherever the penises are no I will not shut up I paid to eat in this restaurant goddammit
by (Jay Hathaway), 2 hours, 34 minutes ago.
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There is a definite hierarchy in the hotel minibar and I've gone into the cognac. God help us all.
by (Amy Jane Gruber), 2 hours, 35 minutes ago.
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