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twwilliams

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Funny how "movie star" status depends on a movie's gross, but "porn star" status depends on how gross you're in the movie.
by (I am Alan's id), 6 hours, 3 minutes ago.
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Puppets: The easiest animal you'll ever fist.
by (MJ), 6 hours, 39 minutes ago.
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This hurricane's been a total bust. I guess I stocked up on supplies for nothing. Anyone want to help me with all this hummus and porn?
by (Mr. Havercamp), 7 hours, 12 minutes ago.
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"C-section scar in the front, tramp stamp in the back." - the Stripper's Mullet
by (rob delaney), 7 hours, 35 minutes ago.
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I like my men like I like my men: masculine and with a penis.
by (blondediva11), 7 hours, 43 minutes ago.
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Happy Laborious Explanation from Glenn Beck about How This Day Is Part of a Socialist Plot Day Weekend!
by (Essex Mortimer Dogg), 8 hours, 2 minutes ago.
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Damnit! I just missed my own 1000th tweet! I was gonna recap my whole stream
Fuck
cunt
sex
boobs
jello shots
strippers
orgies
fuck
work
twat
by (Jessica Holman), 8 hours, 8 minutes ago.
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I'm not gay, but I would totally go gay for Tilda Swinton. Even though she's a woman & I'm a man. It's complicated. You wouldn't understand.
by (Uncle Dynamite), 8 hours, 16 minutes ago.
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Judging from all the banging and screaming coming from the trunk of my car, the mime I kidnapped sucks at staying in character.
by (KnowShit), 8 hours, 30 minutes ago.
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My new superhero name is No Stamina!
by (Yaya), 9 hours, 10 minutes ago.
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"But you ate raw fish when you lived in Hawaii!"
"I also snorted cocaine and had affairs with older men. Would you like me to do that, too?"
by (Victoria Marinelli), 9 hours, 40 minutes ago.
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September is National Yoga Month. My favorite pose is the Hovering Over Dirty Public Restroom Toilet Seat.
by (Josh Hopkins), 9 hours, 54 minutes ago.
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According to this handwriting analyst, I am scared of analysis and like hearts a lot and have no idea how to spell peenus.
by (Joshua Allen), 9 hours, 59 minutes ago.
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I once dated two Belgian sisters at the same time. What a Clijster fuck that turned out to be!
by (m00n man), 10 hours ago.
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Getting in trouble as a kid, I don't know what scared me more; The fact that my father spanked me or his "one for you, one for me" policy.
by (Jonathan), 11 hours, 25 minutes ago.
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There's a cat meowing outside my window and it's really annoying, but my office is next to a Chinese restaurant, so I'll just be patient.
by (NOT noahWG), 11 hours, 30 minutes ago.
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Don't even think I wont judge you by how you unfoil your burrito, because I will. Oh, I will.
by (matt), 11 hours, 53 minutes ago.
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Much like that drunken night of Spring Break '92, I'm laying here waiting for Earl to come and trying not to fall asleep.
by (ms. diagnosed), 12 hours, 17 minutes ago.
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If the economy gets any worse, I'll have to start selling my body for sex WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THIS BEFORE?
by (Josh Hopkins), 12 hours, 35 minutes ago.
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DRUNK HULK ON YOU SIDE! WHEN TIME GO ROUGH! AND FRIEND JUST NO BE FOUND! LIKE BRIDGE OVER TROUBLE WATER! DRUNK HULK LAY DOWN!
by (DRUNK HULK), 12 hours, 49 minutes ago.
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