Revenge is a dish best served secretly covered with sperm.
by polysorbate (fuckedy),
32 minutes ago.
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Bitches! What's up? (you're a bitch if you respond)
by EmaPalooza (Em),
35 minutes ago.
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Sorry I've been away from twitter for a few days. Been busy abusing drugs and not giving a fuck, cause you know, I'm a multi-tasker.
by DjJazzyJeffro (The Real JazzyJeffro),
35 minutes ago.
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Imagine. Outside. Crisp. Cool. End of summer night. On the grass, on a blanket, fucking your brains out. Now, imagine
a partner.
by joesmith_really (Crotchety Crank),
41 minutes ago.
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I hate the phrase "parental unit." I saw my dad's parental unit once, and it scarred me for life.
by DadsAwake (Mike),
45 minutes ago.
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been eating sound-waves and living off frequencies for weeks now... look like a million bucks, who wants to date me?
by AgentCherriCola (Agent Cherri Cola),
49 minutes ago.
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I often wonder about my place in the grand scheme of things and then I remember your mom is a whore.
Thanks for that.
by lafix (Laura),
53 minutes ago.
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If the show was called Tin Chef, I'd kick ass.
by adtothebone (Clayton Hove),
53 minutes ago.
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My teenage sons are Gurping. Why didn't any of you warn me about this?
by TheBosha (The Bosha),
53 minutes ago.
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I have a strict no talking rule during sex.....even in my dreams.
Slap it, suck it, fuck it- just don't talk about it.
Night!!
by kickassjenn (Just call me Jenn),
55 minutes ago.
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I wish women had a snooze button on their ass you could smack so they'd shut the fuck up for nine minutes.
by BillMc7 (Bill Mc7),
1 hour ago.
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Michael Lohan opening a rehab facility is like Mel Gibson teaching an anger management course.
by DDDBU (D),
1 hour, 2 minutes ago.
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When you've been drinking and you are alone on a full bus, finding your stop is a serious challenge with all the stops.
by FlyoverJoel (Joel Ingersoll),
1 hour, 2 minutes ago.
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She thinks she found lipstick on my collar.
That's less embarrassing than koolaid so I'm going with it.
by rodney_at_large (rodney),
1 hour, 6 minutes ago.
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Had enough garlic at dinner tonight to give the wife a legitimate excuse for not wanting to mess around. Or be anywhere near me.
by JET_AZ (JET_AZ),
1 hour, 8 minutes ago.
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I don't drink wine because I'm an alcoholic. I'm a foot fetishist masochist who dreams of having his grapes stomped.
by peterbyrnes (Peter-john Byrnes),
1 hour, 8 minutes ago.
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Beverly Hills 90210 sucked.
I mean come on, it's set over 80,000 years in the future, and everyone on future Earth is still sad?
by luckyshirt (luckyshirt),
1 hour, 8 minutes ago.
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When did style shift that allowed only obese American men with salt and pepper ponytails to wear berets?
by FlyoverJoel (Joel Ingersoll),
1 hour, 8 minutes ago.
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One day my children will thank me for raising them to be open minded to only the things I believe.
by brianbolter (Brian Bolter),
1 hour, 10 minutes ago.
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OH: "Diddy damn bolimbo, get in the car, Frances!"
I don't really understand people in gated communities.
by Jessabelle2o7 (Jess),
1 hour, 10 minutes ago.
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